Top 122 Toilet Quotes

Words matter. These are the best Toilet Quotes from famous people such as David Henry Hwang, Eddie Marsan, Rita Rudner, Flip Wilson, Leslie Jordan, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 tha

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said ‘Deformed Man’s Toilet,’ that kind of thing.
David Henry Hwang
I’ve got four kids – I unblock a toilet every day.
Eddie Marsan
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
I told CBS, ‘My career is going down the toilet, and you’re pulling the chain.’
Flip Wilson
I’ve done every series that had gone down the toilet.
Leslie Jordan
A rebel. That was me when I was younger. What was a rebel from New Jersey? A rebel was moving to the Village, not sleeping with top sheets, not eating a hot breakfast in the morning, not having 20 rolls of toilet paper and 10 boxes of Kleenex.
Judith Viorst
I would wake up really early and go into the hotel bathroom, put a towel over the toilet, and put my laptop there. I’d put my headphones on and just write. And so now when I do writing sessions, and I am stuck on a part, or I can’t figure out a chorus, I’m just like, ‘Give me a second,’ and I’ll go to that bathroom.
Camila Cabello
One time I tried to use the bathroom in the dark, and I missed the toilet, and I fell on the floor.
Rita Ora
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Joey Bishop
My advice is before a big ride, eat a meal 2 hours or so before, to allow you to digest and process it, and without being crude, try to get to the toilet before.
Chris Hoy
Cancer is a great wake-up call. A call to take the tag off the new lingerie and wear that black lacy slip. To open the box of pearls and put them on. To crack open the bath oil beads before they shrivel up in a bowl on the toilet tank.
Regina Brett
I don’t think my daughter wants to see me on the toilet. Lila has seen me nude.
Kate Moss
I’m an intense singer, so I look like I need the toilet every time I hit a high-note.
Tulisa
When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.
Alex Hirsch
There’s nothing quite like exiting a toilet cubicle and seeing a girl running towards you with her hand over her mouth.
Lolly Adefope
Paris’s neighborhoods, the arrondissements, are organized like a twist. They spiral from the river like toilet water flushing in reverse and erupting out of the bowl – a corkscrew or what have you, a flattened pig’s tail, a whorling braid notched one to 20.
Rosecrans Baldwin
I’m a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It’s true: I have a master’s degree in creative writing, I’ve published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.
Ali Liebegott
I never settled because I wasn’t meant to pack toilet rolls or stack shelves.
Peter Kay
As a wheelchair user, I am utterly obsessed with toilets, and all my friends know it. A simple invitation to the pub is consistently followed by, ‘Do you know if they have an accessible toilet?’
Stella Young
Essentially, we live in a patriarchy where women are being distracted from realizing their full potential by the amount of time they spend waiting in toilet queues.
Lolly Adefope
Let me make this clear: my impairment is such that without a wheelchair, I can’t do very much for myself. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t get myself to the toilet. I certainly can’t get myself to work.
Stella Young
I grew up on a street that’s similar to the ones you used to see in Coronation Street on TV. We had an outside toilet at the bottom of the yard and I had to share a bedroom until my older sisters left home.
John Virgo
I used to learn my lines on the toilet, in the car, at dinner.
Angie Dickinson
I think it’s weird going to the toilet in clothes. I don’t like it.
Rylan Clark-Neal
The day every poor person in this country has a toilet in his home and his fuel requirements are met, whoever is the PM then shall rule for at least 25 years.
Yogi Adityanath
Where do you get lumpy tiles? Well, of course, you don’t. But I get a lot of toilets, and so you just dispatch a toilet with a hammer, and then you have lumpy tiles.
Dan Phillips
It’s funny: I put money into short films, and I put really good actors in it, and I write some stuff that’s really funny, and I’ll get, like, a million views. But to the right of me, there will be a video of a kitten that falls into a toilet bowl, and it’s three seconds long, and it will get 25 million views.
Ben Schwartz
You know, I’ve been to some superstars’ houses, and I’ve been really disgusted when I see their platinum discs hanging in the toilet. They’re just there on the walls glaring at you when you’re trying to be occupied with other things.
John Lydon
The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called ‘Toilet Paper Nostrils,’ and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.
Flying Lotus
My first exposure to sanitation issues occurred when I got admission into an engineering college. They probably didn’t want to admit me and informed me that there was no ladies toilet in the college. I was adamant and pursued my studies in engineering in that very college.
Sudha Murty
I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet – to use the toilet even – in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.
Jonny Wilkinson
We would say we would play every pay toilet and use our

We would say we would play every pay toilet and use our own change. Across America and across the world, we just kept going and going.
David Bryan
I quite enjoy fame, especially when you go to conventions in America where they treat you like a god with stretch limos and the whole fame thing, but then when you come back to Britain, you end up changing in a toilet in a theatre off West End and that’s really good, because that is what it’s about.
Sylvester McCoy
I can wash utensils, chop vegetables and can fold beds. I don’t think I can do anything beyond it. In fact, cleaning toilet pots is my biggest nightmare.
Jasmin Bhasin
When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.
Jennifer Aniston
I decided to build a studio in my house. We built it in my basement kitchen. I had the drummer up by the fish tank. I was in the toilet singing. The bass player was out by the shelves in the living room, and the guitarist was on the couch by the telly.
Eddi Reader
What they have done in Japan, which I find so inspirational, is they’ve brought the toilet out from behind the locked door. They’ve made it conversational. People go out and upgrade their toilet. They talk about it. They’ve sanitized it.
Rose George
I cleaned many a toilet.
Shaggy
You know how you toilet paper and egg somebody’s house? I did it, right? But I did it back-to-back nights, Saturday and Sunday. They called the police. Good thing nobody got arrested but that was something embarrassing and stupid. Why would you do the same house twice? It was ridiculous.
Jared Dudley
Hate American toilets with only toilet paper and no bidets.
Shenaz Treasury
You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it’s some weird coloured embossed stuff.
Captain Beefheart
My parents taught me many of the things that people need in life to feel confident: practical things, such as managing finances, mucking out the goat barn, cleaning a house, doing repairs, mending a broken roof or a toilet.
Bryce Dallas Howard
I used to throw stuff out of the window and trash hotel rooms – and superglue all the drawers shut and superglue the toilet seat down and superglue the phone to the nightstand – and all kinds of stuff. I had a chain saw for a while. I didn’t really use it but once or twice.
Joe Walsh
NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet.
Rachael Ray
My mother always told me, ‘I didn’t make a perfume or go sell toilet paper. I did something good with my name.’
Sean Hepburn Ferrer
You know you’re big when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
Art Donovan
I’ll never have a house party again. You stand around for ages worried that nobody’s coming and the next minute you’re queuing for your own toilet while someone you’ve never met is asking you if you know whose party this is.
Josh Widdicombe
When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.
Jennifer Aniston
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I’d better write a book.
Don Rickles
Now, as husbands go, I have to admit I did all right. Joe is unquestionably handsome, doesn’t leave ragged toenail clippings scattered about the house, and has never once, in nearly five thousand days of togetherness, left the toilet seat up.
Jenna McCarthy
You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.
Carolyn Gold Heilbrun
I live with three boys, and I can’t tell you how hard it is to get your hands on toilet paper. They steal it.
Margot Robbie
In captivity, one loses every way of acting over little details which satisfy the essentials of life. Everything has to be asked for: permission to go to the toilet, permission to ask a guard something, permission to talk to another hostage – to brush your teeth, use toilet paper, everything is a negotiation.
Ingrid Betancourt
Can you imagine a guy breaking into your car, and he steals your guitar case ’cause he thinks it’s a guitar, and he gets it home and opens it up and there’s a rake inside it, an electric toilet plunger and a dog skull? That actually happened.
Eugene Chadbourne