Words matter. These are the best Billy Connolly Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
I don’t aim to offend.
I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey… Doesn’t try it on.
I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
