Words matter. These are the best Jay Leno Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
People don’t mind if you have a lot of money if they know you’re working for it.
I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’
You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
If God doesn’t destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
You aren’t famous until my mother has heard of you.
Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.
If I have one advantage, it’s that I will try to work harder than the next guy.
You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they’re all lining up.
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder.
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.
I didn’t realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.
My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
