Words matter. These are the best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
