Words matter. These are the best Jen Kirkman Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
Parenthood can be very rewarding, but let’s face it, so are margaritas at the adults-only pool.
Eventually I’m going to be too old to be on camera, and I’ve been doing stand-up a long time.
I’m not a big fan of young people.
At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there’s all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.
Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom’s! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip.
There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot – except for the fact that I don’t want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan.
I’m very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I’m not very calculated or thoughtful about my moves.
Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It’s not like they’re quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They’re just using birth control.
Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don’t risk losing your license.
Don’t overpack your carry-on. You’re never going to read that second book or that fourth magazine.
I’m wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics.
I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A.
Having a child is a lifetime commitment, the biggest one you can possibly make.
Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a lot of strength and dedication to carve out a life that doesn’t seem normal to anyone else.
By the time I started doing stand-up, the club scene had died.
A lot of relationships have ended for me in my 20s, because I knew that eventually those people would wanna settle down and have kids.
We have to get women’s stories out there so a guy will read it, laugh, and think, ‘I’m not laughing at a chick story but a story.’
I think some parents think, ‘Oh, having kids is so beautiful; I want others to feel the joy I do.’
Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business.
Don’t make being a girl or a victim part of your stand-up act. If you encounter sexism in the business, don’t bring it on stage; it’s not funny.
I’d love to be a hit in Germany. I’m working on trying to get a gig as David Hasselhoff’s opening act.
The urge that most people feel to have kids is the exact same as the urge that I have to not have kids. I do not want to raise a child.
I have memories of my grandfather Kirkman making mashed potatoes that were so good because they tasted like a bowl of butter. I love my mom’s brownies. My favorite thing about both of those recipes is that someone else made them for me.
What they call ‘alt-comedy’ now is basically what comedy was like in the ’80s. People tried different things, and everybody went to the clubs; there was no other place. Then somehow, the clubs became infiltrated by Dice Clay and Carrot Top types.
I want to travel the world and enjoy things, so if you gave me $50 million and said, ‘You can never perform again,’ I probably would take it and be fine with it.
I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won’t accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation.
The women doing comedy do not even think of themselves as ‘female’ comedians.
I still have to work paycheck to paycheck. Being in show business doesn’t indicate that you’re a ‘success,’ in my opinion.
I actually like, love, and respect myself, and I try not to take anything too seriously.
Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.
