Words matter. These are the best Jimmy Kimmel Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
I describe myself as a human being.
I have like fifteen televisions in my house.
The idea that you would not only exercise but that you would enjoy it is very difficult for me to understand. I just hate it.
If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it’s that they’re almost entirely scripted.
I never imagined being on television.
I started doing a half-hour Sunday night talk show on college radio station KUNV. That excited me more than anything I’d ever done. I went through the Yellow Pages to find people who seemed interesting. I’d goof on these people, but they were so excited to be on the radio that they didn’t even notice.
It is kind of funny that the people who don’t think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.
When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don’t really remember until you’re on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, ‘Oh yeah, I can’t say these things anymore. I’m handcuffed.’
Our politicians debate this, but our scientists don’t. A huge majority of climate scientists say climate change is happening. They say we’re causing it and we need to do something about it before it has a terrible effect on all of us.
People’s lives are boring.
The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that’s not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That’s the reality of it.
It never was my plan to get into television.
I definitely feel pressure to keep slim. I don’t want to be the guy who lost weight and gained it all back. But it’s hard. Sometimes I’ll gorge and gain nine pounds in a weekend somehow, and I get bummed about it.
At the Emmys, you’ve got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don’t have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes.
If you want to do a talk show on network television, you’re probably going to wind up having a desk and a band, wearing a suit, and having a sidekick. Audiences want to feel comfortable.
Real emotion is good – or doing a good job of faking real emotion.
No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.
I try hard not to repeat myself and not to do material other people are doing. We transcribe every other late-night show to make sure there’s no similarity.
It’s funny how all of this has worked out – I wasn’t popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I’m throwing up.
That’s my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don’t.
I only get unusual ailments.
I don’t eat two days a week. And people are fascinated by it, but it works. If you cut two days of food out of your life you will lose weight.
I’m a creative consultant, whatever that means.
There’s an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they’re mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they’ve built to look like a temple. It’s just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.
My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people’s definitions are.
I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid.
I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don’t wear a tie?
I don’t really need to be dirty to be funny.
You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.
I’m a terrible golfer.
