Words matter. These are the best Fred Allen Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn’t hit a woman with his hat on.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
I don’t want to own anything that won’t fit into my coffin.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.
Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything.
My uncle is a Southern planter. He’s an undertaker in Alabama.
Committee – a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
California is a great place to live if you’re an orange.
I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
