Top 40 Karl Pilkington Quotes

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you’re not used to spending that much time with people.

A slug is always on its own. It’s a lonely insect.

I’m not that lazy, but I don’t need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

I’m not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn’t really changed.

Chinese people age overnight.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

I love nature – it’s probably my most favorite thing. I don’t watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that’s in there.

I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you’re seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that’s added gives you a certain feeling.

And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn’t anything else drown it out at the time?

But I’m not an idiot. At the end of the day, I’ve learned a lot.

I don’t think I’d be a very good parent. I’d be too honest.

Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

It’s not a joke: I really do like being at home.

The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.

It’s not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

Making the ‘An Idiot Abroad’ series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I’d hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill – just like everyone says.

People eat duck and you think, well, we’ve got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

I’ve never worried about life’s big questions.

I’ve done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you’re still dead. For that much money I’d want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

Being honest with you, it’s not the ‘great’ wall of China. It’s an all right wall. It’s the ‘All Right Wall of China.’

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don’t need any spoiling or looking after.

I don’t know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it’s there, don’t you?

People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, if that’s some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.

I’ve got loads of nieces and nephews.

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I’m not great.

With acting, I didn’t get much from it.

I don’t really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

I mean, I don’t really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that’s all you can do in life, really.

You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.

When you’ve been on a programme called ‘An Idiot Abroad’ job offers aren’t exactly flying in.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do. I’m not important, am I? I’m not doing anything that makes a difference.

I think it’s a problem when something’s a dream because it’ll never live up to your expectations. It’s better to go somewhere thinking it’ll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.

People who live in glass houses… have to answer the door.

I’ve learnt that, even though I’ve travelled about, I haven’t changed that much.