Top 44 Late-Night Quotes

Words matter. These are the best Late-Night Quotes from famous people such as George Lopez, Alex Horne, Tom Shales, Andrew Weil, Sam Heughan, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host r

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.
George Lopez
When I created ‘Taskmaster,’ it was never meant to be suitable for family Christmases. The host, Greg Davies, is a sweary giant, the comedians are often uncouth and the show was on late-night TV.
Alex Horne
Late-night television is like the cereal aisle in the supermarket: too many choices. Also, too many ‘different’ brands that really aren’t different at all.
Tom Shales
Limit or eliminate late-night computer and television viewing. A computer or TV screen may seem much dimmer than a light bulb, but these screens often fill your field of vision, mimicking the effects of a room filled with light.
Andrew Weil
I’m a notorious late-night texter. I seem to use a lot of lip, heart, and tongue emoji.
Sam Heughan
I do not have to watch late-night television, watch a movie, to find out what combat is like.
John Glenn
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I’m a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don’t care for it.
Craig Ferguson
If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I’m out. I’m gone.
Craig Ferguson
Trump’s Twitter flood of late-night mendacity is an unhindered celebration of fragile manhood, a ceaseless summons to the millions for affirmation, a proclamation to vulnerable men across the land that endless preening and stroking is a normal and imitable way of life.
Timothy D. Snyder
No one was asking me to be on TV. So I made my own late-night TV talk show.
Billy Eichner
A stand-up act is almost like a pool. You know what I mean? It’s like a pool, and you’re always skimming little leaves out of it, messing with the chlorine level, putting up umbrellas. You’re trying to make one little stagnant body of water perfect. Whereas a late-night show is like a river, always moving forward.
Pete Holmes
Sometimes in stand-up, you want that late-night set where you get that five minutes, then you want a half-hour special, and then the crown, if you will, is an HBO special.
Phoebe Robinson
My criticisms of late-night TV blew up some old friendships and sparked some new ones.
Nell Scovell
I like to go hear jazz late-night up in Harlem.
Daniel Boulud
I’ve been doing a late-night talk show out here in New Mexico now, ‘The After After Party.’ We’re going to finalize a deal to be in 50 million homes. How blessed can I be, man?
Steven Michael Quezada
People say, ‘Oh, you’re doing the job of journalists.’ I think it’s very important to note that we can’t do our job without journalists. Journalists can do their job without late-night comedians. They’d be just fine without us. But we, of course, use their work every day to build our pieces.
Seth Meyers
I think every new girl that comes to this industry has faced predatory behaviour. You meet people who will call you for late-night dinners. They will give hints to your manager; they will start harassing you on Whatsapp.
Meera Chopra
I don’t like discotheques, pubs, or late-night parties.
When I used to return in the early morning after late-night programmes, the first people I see on the roads at the break of dawn are sweepers, newspaper vendors and milkmen. Since they were all from my hometown, I would stop to talk to them before going home. So I am quite used to their lifestyle and work.
Suraj Venjaramood
Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I’ll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta love the audience I bring in.
Ralphie May
I’m more disciplined now. The days of late-night parties are over.
S. Sreesanth
We thought ‘Father Ted’ was destined to be obscure late-night Channel 4 fodder and then it works and you don’t really know why.
Ardal O’Hanlon
I try hard not to repeat myself and not to do material other people are doing. We transcribe every other late-night show to make sure there’s no similarity.
Jimmy Kimmel
If you look at my life before I went into television, the struggle I went through coming out would be surprising to most people, given how comfortable and how out I am being the only late-night gay talk-show host.
Andy Cohen
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians – especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience – is to amplify what we think America is thinking.
Jimmy Fallon
I’ve actually taken meetings about hosting a late-night talk show. I don’t know that what we know as a late-night talk show is what I want. But I’ve been talked into a talk show, but it would be different.
The first time I heard ‘Sharknado,’ I thought it was a late-night infomercial for a new vacuum cleaner. Could have swore I ordered one once. Then I found out what it was and remembered that I grew up reading the ‘Sharknado’ novels.
Ann Coulter
I thought late-night was crowded… the format’s repetitive.
Craig Kilborn
Only a crazy person wouldn’t fear approaching a car with tinted windows during a late-night car stop, or pounding up a flight of stairs to execute a search warrant, or fast-roping from a helicopter down into hostile fire. Real agents, like real people, feel that fear in the pit of their stomachs.
James Comey
I’m too short to host a late-night talk show. It’s like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
Jon Stewart
Every president becomes a caricature. The press, partisans, late-night shows, and other arbiters of our culture these days boil down complicated and multi-faceted personalities into one-dimensional punchlines.
Mark McKinnon
I did a live late-night talk show called 'Creation Nati

I did a live late-night talk show called ‘Creation Nation’ with friends of mine. I had a sidekick and a band, and I wrote the whole thing. And it had the form of a late-night talk show, but we did it on stage because no one was giving me a TV show at the time.
Billy Eichner
After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny’s words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
Jimmy Carr
I’m not a late-night guy.
Brad Stevens
When I was a boy, I had a grand, big tape recorder, and I made late-night radio shows with glasses of water and funny voices. I just loved radio plays.
What I really see myself doing is late-night TV. No woman has ever done it.
Anna Benson
One of the pleasant duties of America’s most famous announcers during the relatively short swing era of the big bands was to host late-night remotes from some of the most famous ballrooms throughout the country.
Nick Clooney
Any eyes on me – a late-night street sweeper, some dude texting in his parked car, the homeless guy talking to himself – make me feel uncomfortable when I skate. Everyone expects me to do certain things.
Rodney Mullen
I think it’s an uphill battle in every field. You hear late-night comedy is hard on women. And then you hear investment banking is hard on women. And tech is hard on women. And then you start digging, and you learn philosophy departments are hard on women!
Nell Scovell
Anyone who does stand-up comedy can agree that doing a late-night spot is a dream of theirs.
Phoebe Robinson
I grew up watching Cinemax, the late-night Cinemax of the ’80s and early ’90s.
Owen King
‘American Horror’ goes for a very specific kind of Seventies suburban downer ambience – ‘Flowers in the Attic’ paperbacks, Black Sabbath album covers and late-night flicks like ‘Let’s Scare Jessica to Death.’ It even has ‘Go Ask Alice’-era urban legends.
Rob Sheffield
Twelve-piece cookware sets for ninety-nine bucks are routinely hawked on late-night TV – often by friends of mine. But with a mere five pieces, you can do whatever you like – slay the dragon and then cook its tenderloin in the style of the duke of Wellington, if you want to.
Mario Batali
I want to come back and do talk. I want to do late-night talk the right way. Arsenio ain’t there anymore, and the late-night talk competition is weak. All them dudes is weak. I don’t even know who they are. Weirdos, and I don’t even care. I want to bring real fun back to late night where a real comedian is doing it.
Mark Curry