Top 44 Sean Lock Quotes

Touring can be quite a dull life.

I really like doing stand-up, because it gives you an immense amount of freedom. You haven’t got anyone telling you what to do. It’s great to have that much power over what you do. You don’t have that in television.

I have worked out that I am virtually Chinese, because everything I own is from China.

If you’re over 22, getting a tattoo and you don’t do work that involves tools you should be ashamed of yourself!

It’s fantastic to be at the back of a theatre and to think, ‘These people have come to see me.’

I’d never been the class clown and comedy was not a fulfilment of a dream.

A real man doesn’t know what cellulite is. Until I was 30 I thought cellulite was a building material used for restoring plasterwork in stately homes.

I’ve got genuine political reasons for not voting for David Cameron. He’s got a tiny little mouth.

I’m the master at publicity.

Being the headliner is only more pressure if you’re not very good.

I’m hoping I don’t get Alzheimer’s.

I have no problem with people coming up to me and telling me they enjoy my work, what’s weird is when you sense people noticing you, nudging each other, and you’re not anonymous any more. You just feel exposed.

I always ask for fresh coffee because instant doesn’t give you the caffeine buzz you need.

We do need sculpture. People always say: ‘Well, that sculpture could have paid for a cot in a maternity ward.’ But if the world had been run on those lines, there’d only be about four books, and they’d be seed-drill manuals.

It’s a horrible feeling to go in front of an audience when you don’t feel right.

I never moisturised until I got skin cancer. It totally changed my opinion on moisturising. I used to think using a face protector was a bit of a girly thing, now I’ve worked out it’s actually essential to keep your skin healthy.

If you like Harry Hill, you’d really like Tony Law. He’s a Canadian comic who’s done a few appearances on ‘Never Mind The Buzzcocks’ and ‘8 out of 10 Cats.’ Nobody else could do his stand-up; it’s very idiosyncratic, very daft, very silly, but really well structured.

I drive a VW California. It’s a camper van based on the transporter body. It drives like a car, but you press a button and you’re camping. I take it on tour with me.

The hardest thing to write is sitcom.

Brown is definitely my colour. I like it’s understated drabness.

The Specials used to be my style icons. I was obsessed with them and the whole 2-Tone thing was a good look for me.

I’ve got a few fat friends – well, two, it seems like more.

It’s not like I’m an Internet geek or anything – I’m of an age where the Internet is not the first thing I think of when I need to find something out.

Whenever a young comic asks me for advice I only have two things to say. One is to try and do what you think is genuinely funny and the other is just do loads of gigs.

My initial impression of the Welsh was that they were grumpier than I was!

I have my suits especially made in 50 per cent polyester. That way when I’m going to a gig I can just stuff them in a bag, whip them out and they don’t looked creased when I’m on stage.

I now believe in God for my own ends. I’m not an altruistic Christian – I’m only doing it in case there is in fact a Heaven.

Real men will eat anything I mean anything. I think the only food I have ever turned down was a boiled goat’s head while hitch-hiking in Yugoslavia in the 1980s.

I always wear sunglasses and often a panama hat, even if I’m just walking in the park, if the sun is hot.

I don’t think it’s any secret that the bigger the venue, the subtlety and artfulness of comedy declines.

Real men don’t know what they want for Christmas. Despite the fact I’m deeply disappointed every Christmas. I pride myself on not wanting anything. Children want things, women want things, dogs and cats want things, but men don’t.

I am naturally cautious so I guess I am a saver. I’m a firm believer in not borrowing money, which is a lesson passed down to me from my parents and grandparents.

I go to my office nearly every day, and I’ll sit there for six or seven hours and come up with ideas, and that’s the only way I can justify turning up on stage.

I liken all jobs to decorating. If you don’t do the preparation, sand down and prime first, you won’t get a good paint job, and that’s the same as everything in life.

Salad cream is horrible, like albino ketchup.

My stand-up shows don’t really have a theme but do have an interactive element to them.

I’d like an old car just so I can control the windows with a handle. I hate electronic windows.

Being a purple van man means I have my own perspective on things.

I think people like to have something to have a moan about.

I just did loads of dead-end jobs and a lot of travelling – just farting around, really. I had quite a lot of fun, but I’ve got no qualifications, no skills.

Ron Mueck’s ‘Dead Dad’ was fantastic. It was an almost exact replica of his dead dad’s body, shrunk to be a third of the size, a very powerful sculpture.

My major regret in life is not going to university, though not for the qualification I would have gained. People I know who went there have a working method where they sit down and get something done; they know how to start and get on with things. I will do anything to avoid getting on with stuff.

I definitely appreciate the value of money, hard work and having a career.

That’s the thing about comedy, there’s something utterly delightful and slightly pure about a really good joke, and to create one is a great pleasure.