Top 44 Steve Harvey Quotes

From the time I was taught how to drive, I was taught how to behave when I’m stopped.

My calling is to help people, to teach people, to share with people, until I die. I can never stop doing that. I can’t, and I don’t want to.

The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.

I think there are so many books out there written on relationships and romance that women are the authors of. How can women know exactly how men think? And there are so many guys out there with relationship books who are just not telling the truth. They have shaded parts.

God has given me a life far beyond anything I ever dreamed about. God is, man, God is something else man.

I’m going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I’m going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

I think that we, as the African-American men in hip-hop, we have a greater responsibly because we have the ears of so many millions of our young people. And they listenin’.

One of the biggest misconceptions that a woman has is that a man has to accept her the way she is. No, we don’t. I don’t know who told you that. We like the bright and shiny. If you stop wearing the makeup, stop putting on nail polish, stop wearing high heels, you’ll lose us.

The Lord saved my soul.

I had, like, 11 jobs. I’ve been fired 11 times! ‘Cause I’m not cut for that. You know, I was a great employee, man. Everybody loved me coming to work – I’m singing, tellin’ jokes on the assembly line. I was miserable, man. I was dying. I was dying.

I’m just a living witness that you can be an imperfect soldier and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty. Don’t you think you got to be perfect ’cause I ain’t.

My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.

I don’t want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

You’ve got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.

I just believe if you don’t believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That’s just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.

I’m not a good mother at all.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it’s not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

You have nothing if you’re texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push ‘reply all.’ I mean, since we’re lying, we might as well lie to everybody.

You’ve got to be vulnerable when you’re talking to kids. There’s nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can’t work that way.

As always, whenever I’m contacted by the White House, I’m just humbled.

If you’d asked me then if I saw how big ‘The Steve Harvey Morning Show’ was going to be, I couldn’t tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I’ve also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.

My mother raised me in the church. I was not allowed to stay home on Sunday; there was no option. I sang in the choir all the way up until I went to college.

I tell people I’m a stand-up comedian two hours a week. The rest of the time, I’m somebody’s husband, I’m somebody’s father. I’m a man. I take great pride in that.

All I knew growing up was that my father was married to and loved my momma, period. He worked hard, made some money, and put it on the dresser. She spent it on the family, and he went out and earned some more. He taught me the most about love.

My marriage to Marjorie is the most rewarding thing that ever happened to me. She gave me a life and a relationship that I didn’t know existed.

When you’re happy at home, you can make a lot of things happen.

I don’t rehearse on either of my shows, ‘Family Feud’ or my talk show. I never rehearse with the guests. I don’t want to have any preconceived thoughts, notions, because that kills my creativity as a host and as a stand up.

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I’m saying to women is, ‘Okay. If it’s a game, here are the rules that we play by.’

I’m not a relationship expert. I’m an expert on manhood.

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

I sit my three sons down and say, ‘Listen to me. When the police stop you, immediately comply. Don’t walk away, don’t smart-mouth; get your hands up and get down on the ground.’ If you’re not black, you might not have to have that conversation, but I go over and over it with them because I don’t want that phone call.

You can take lessons to become almost anything: flying lessons, piano lessons, skydiving lessons, acting lessons, race car driving lessons, singing lessons. But there’s no class for comedy. You have to be born with it. God has to give you this gift.

I never saw myself not being a stand-up. That was my plan.

You can’t go forward and backwards at the same time.

You’ve got to be vulnerable when you’re talking to kids. There’s nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can’t work that way.

If a man loves you… he’s willing to profess it. He’ll give you a title after a while. You’re going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby’s mama, something.

You’ve got to be in a bad relationship to really understand what a great one is.

I’m not really a relationship expert but… I’m an expert on manhood and what men think.

All men can and will change. But there’s only one woman we’re going to change for.

Being on a comedy tour is like traveling with family, everyone is all having a great time… then all of a sudden it turns sour. One thing gets said out of turn, and everyone is on everyone’s last nerve. After an hour of silence, we all start laughing about it.

Women are the real reason we get up every day. I’m talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I’m hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.

There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I’ve ever written.

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, ‘Ma’am, I’m going to marry you one day.’ And 15 years later, I did.

My father instilled in me to take care of my family. Show up even when you don’t want to show up.