Top 45 Joe Lycett Quotes

As a comic, you just want to be liked.

I’m a bit done with weddings. There are so many and I’m so bored of them.

If anything kept me awake at night it would be worrying that there wouldn’t be enough time to have a nap the next day.

I’m not that sort of writer where I can restrict myself to a theme, just in case nothing good comes of it.

It’s a cliche, but the people who enjoy your work and who come up and say, ‘I enjoyed that and I liked that,’ they are the people who ultimately are keeping you in work. And so, it would be rude and ungrateful of me to be anything but polite.

You should always ask for a refund at the theatre, apart from my shows, of course, where I won’t be handing out any refunds.

Best place I’ve visited is probably Tanzania when I was younger and I’d love to go to America as I haven’t been to loads of places there yet.

A theatre tour as me, Joe Lycett, with support acts. That would be the dream.

I make a sensational chicken, chorizo and mung bean stew.

Because lots of LGBTQ people are really smart, and there’s so much really interesting reading that can be done, and so much academic writing that’s been done about it, people can end up getting quite academic about it.

I would like to be constantly thinking about life, trying to make it funny.

My sewing skills are terrible!

I love living in Birmingham, it’s just a lovely gentle life, and it’s calm. And it’s full of Brummies who I find hilarious.

I am the promise guardian to a wonderful girl called Grace, a role akin to a godfather but without the Christian responsibilities, as I am a devout Jedi.

There are many terms that have been used to describe me: man, comedian, disappointment, hammock enthusiast.

I’ve got really into gardening.

I quite like the idea that I’m a situation.

I always loved ‘The Weakest Link’ and how brutal Anne Robinson was on it.

I just want people to have a laugh.

As a child, I used to bite my toenails, which is grim. I can still do it.

I sleep all the time! I often leave an event early because I want to have a snooze.

I think it’s important to go out and gig all over the country, it makes you a better comic.

In truth, I have absolutely no idea how to value my work.

Will & Grace’ was my favourite show growing up and retains a special place in my heart, not least because it was such a refreshing and witty insight into gay life. The older me loves ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm.’

The Time It Takes’ is one of the most brilliantly daft shows I’ve ever been involved in – and that’s saying something.

People say I’m charming, but I’m uneasy with that word. Quentin Crisp said: ‘Charisma is the ability to influence without logic,’ which is terrifying.

I don’t want a little Oliver/Olivia parasite running about eating my biscuits. My friends, on the other hand, are procreating like humanity depends on it, and it doesn’t.

I’ve attempted tech-free days when I turn off the phone and stare at the iPad instead.

I’d done some acting and I didn’t like being told what to do by the director, the structure of it.

I love ‘Pointless.’

I’d love to grow a pair of discreet wings so I could just fly around a bit and impress people.

I do a very good impression of Louis Armstrong.

I nearly got hit by a car while I was trying to write a stupid joke but a female sheep stood in the way. I can’t thank ewe enough.

World domination was never the plan.

I’m a qualified swimming instructor.

The idea was to become an actor. Then I found I really didn’t like acting.

When I started stand-up, it was really just to have a go at alpha males essentially, there was no plan and there never has been really.

I’m so British and polite that creating a scene or being confrontational is so not my vibe.

Normally during the week between Christmas and New Year I’m slumped in a chair in Birmingham, eating, farting and spouting total nonsense.

I’m good at throwing fabric on myself!

The thing about Birmingham is, no one spends their evening looking over your shoulder thinking: ‘Is that Nick Grimshaw?’ and wondering if there’s a better night they could be on. Because there isn’t.

I beam at the idea of me at the wheel of a luxury yacht, surrounded by models and moguls, sipping cool Gavi di Gavi as we meander down the French Riviera.

I am a rare millennial who managed to buy property thanks to a mix of highly lucrative TV panel show work and employing Gary Barlow as a financial adviser.

There’s a beautifully simple sketch in the first episode of ‘Smack the Pony:’ two women approach each other walking their dogs and as they pass the women bark at each other, the dogs remaining perfectly calm. It kills me every time.

Alan Carr is an out and proud gay man but there isn’t a famous bisexual equivalent – it’s a lot rarer.