Top 45 John Bishop Quotes

If you have three children under the age of four, as I did, you have to make choices, because you cannot hold hands with all of them.

Oh, listen, stand-up is my home.

When I go out with my mates I’m never the centre of attention. Most of them, and they’re probably right, keep telling me they’re funnier than I am and I’m nicking their life.

My generation are the neurotic ones. Therapists’ offices all over the world are full of patients blaming their parents for their own failings.

My job is trying to make people laugh. A room full of people laughing forget their worries, their issues, that’s why I find it so joyful.

My loyalty starts and ends at my front door.

When have you ever sat down with your mates and said, ‘Look, tell me about your dad?’

As soon as I speak, I think people go, ‘Well, he obviously must have grown up on a council estate, gone to a comprehensive school and be working class – so I can relate to him.’

I’m a big believer that if you touch it, you can believe in it.

I’m not from the generation that took chances.

Often you’d find yourself exhausted backstage during a matinee with glitter on your face, asking a colleague, ‘Who’s your gas supplier?’ At the time, I thought, ‘This would make a brilliant TV comedy drama.’

‘Skins’ was a fun role and I enjoyed it.

Sometimes you just have to throw yourself into it and hope for the best.

I know what it’s like to have nothing.

I can be a little bit of a control freak.

There was a deficit between what I was earning and what my family needed to live off. I was resigned to the fact that, while I may do the odd night, I was going to have to get a proper job.

‘Panto!’ is basically my life. It’s not a comedy drama; it’s a documentary. I was going to write an autobiography, but I thought I’d write this instead.

Everything else outside the world – Brexit, the global economy, global warming, everything – nothing matters as much as what’s in your house.

As a child I qualified for free school meals, so I know I would have been in one of the families that needed help to gain access to a laptop.

I have worked hard to be all the things that I thought a family man should be, but I probably could have done better by not trying to run a family like I was picking a five-a-side football team.

In 2006, I left my job in sales and marketing to go full-time as a comedian, and I started off doing panto at the Lowry in Manchester.

I’ve learned more about having more time as I’ve got older.

You can’t pretend you’re not part of the world that you come from.

If Jimmy McGovern knocks and you are offered a part, you don’t say, ‘can I ease myself into it?’

I have fond memories of the Grand National, but in recent years, as I have become more committed to animal welfare, I have grown increasingly uncomfortable about an event that every year results in the deaths of horses.

When people have a public profile, for whatever reason, nine times out of 10, it’s an interesting journey that they’ve been on to get there.

There’s no slowing down but I’ve got to be honest, I’m probably not going to learn French.

Comedy is counseling.

When I took my kids to see the house that we’re buying I took them in the car to the estate I grew up on. I got the kids out of the car and explained that this is where they’re from.

It’s very gratifying sometimes to make yourself the butt of the joke because it bursts your bubble.

Everybody has layers.

We live on a two week cycle in our house so if I go away for two weeks, it’s too long. And if I’m home for two weeks, it’s too long.

Some people are brilliant at being comedy actors and if you’re a comedian I think there’s a perception that, if you’re acting at something that’s meant to be funny, it will be funny all the way though and you’ll be dropping in gags.

I think there’s a thin line between pathos and comedy, and I’m not afraid of putting my heart on my sleeve.

I’ve never had a piercing before. I thought I’d be cool.

I feel like a bit of a jinx.

I haven’t met a comedian who is judgemental of other comedians.

Imagine growing up never feeling loved by your family – the most basic of human needs.

As a father I can’t imagine the pain of digging my own child’s grave.

As a comedian, you have to say something that people relate to, or nobody laughs.

What I found absolutely the best thing about comedy is it’s a little club. You find yourself part of this strange needy society of people who want to go on stage and make people happy.

I mean Ireland, in all honesty I owe Ireland a lot because I think, and I’m not just saying this flippantly, Ireland is probably the reason that I do the job I do because when I started doing stand-up I came to Ireland and I just sort of gelled with the idea of doing it the way I do – telling stories.

You have to spend four hours filming a 30-minute program. That seems mental to me.

I was looking for someone to represent me and an agent sat me down and said, ‘I don’t think there’s anything to work with here.’

Everyone at Liverpool is committed to the club and working as hard as possible.