I’m proud that I don’t make crazy jokes anymore.
I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don’t pick, and the reason I don’t redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.
No pickup lines! They’re the worst. But I love jokes.
I have jokes I’ve told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.
Our show was – it remained – you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn’t know – they wouldn’t get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they’re watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn’t say anything blatant.
I think sketch writing is a good spot for everyone to start because it requires you to develop characters, have a beginning, middle and end and have a bunch of jokes in a short amount of time.
I think a comedian has to be low status on some level; that gives you the right to do all sorts of jokes about all sorts of different kinds of people.
My job as the host of a rock awards show is not to be as divisive as possible, but certainly you want to be able to interject your jokes and how you feel about stuff.
I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity’s death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying.
I’ve always littered my songs with jokes. You might need to dig a little deeper to find the humor, but I would totally object to being some kind of distraught personality. I’ve never tried to attach myself to that.
Being a musician means I am ‘hanging out’ a lot, like driving on tour or being at a show or whatever, so maybe there’s more time to interact with peers and develop jokes.
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn’t give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn’t seem right.
The thing where I thought I made it was when I paid my house off. It wasn’t actually a moment on stage – it was the first bit of financial security. It was the first time I looked at my house, and it was all paid off, and I thought, ‘Alright. Jokes paid for this.’
I don’t have jokes that I can’t defend.
I can’t tell a joke to save my soul. It’s just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.
I study entertainment and apply it to myself to one day become the greatest WWE superstar we have, and it’s a lot of work. So I write jokes and material every day… you have to keep people’s attention, one way or another.
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I’m on stage, I’m at a microphone… it’s a joke!
I’d been writing jokes since I was 16, not very good ones though, but I was always trying to make my mates laugh.
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
But I really like our experimental, performance and monologue videos, where there’s barely jokes in the video, where it’s almost a joke in itself that the monologue is even being recorded.
Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
I did my first set at a talent show, and I couldn’t finish because the judges didn’t like my jokes. They were ‘offensive.’
I’m sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.
Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, ‘Sir, I’m getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I’m going to suck your neck,’ or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh.
Even ‘Lord of the Rings’ had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It’s like, ‘Really?’
Everyone was doing alternative comedy. I thought I’d distinguish myself by just telling jokes, with differing degrees of success.
I always thought I was a good person, a decent person. I never harassed anyone or touched anyone. And you say to yourself , ‘Oh, that’s good enough,’ but yes, I had certain jokes that I always assumed the audience would understand. This is Persona.
In my early writing, all of my characters were exactly the same person. They all spoke the same, made the same types of jokes, reacted the same, etc. I think they were all just me in disguise.
I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh.
I make jokes. That’s what I do.
I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don’t.
My Instagram got deleted a lot of times. I used to do rough jokes and curse a lot.
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, ‘Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining hall at the University of Maryland.’ That’s when I realized I was contrived. I was reciting jokes. So I really worked on – no matter what – sounding like I was just talking to the people.
My childhood was great because my family has an amazing sense of humor, and it was just all making videos and jokes and doing skits and things.
The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past.
The trouble with the jokes is that once they’re written, I know how they’re supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I’m more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.
If you’re going to document your own journey, the jokes work better in the first person, just like the stories do.
If I inherited a billion dollars and didn’t have to work ever again, what would I do to fill my day? I’d paint, I’d write jokes and stories, and I’d hang out and chat to very interesting people.
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
I was, like, this tiny little kid that was goofy and would always crack jokes or sit in the back of class and not listen to anything that the teacher was saying.
I don’t want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.
I enjoy life. I always enjoy jokes.
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes – I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.
My jokes aren’t predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it’s definitely not the focus, so I don’t feel any pressure to stay big.
My poems… the ones that start out as jokes become these big ponderous things and the ones that start out ponderous devolve into jokes.
I never ceased to be surprised when southern whites, at their homes or clubs, told racial jokes and spoke so derogatorily of blacks while longtime servants, for whom they quite clearly had some affection, were well within earshot.
Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories.
I secrete jokes like the pancreas secretes… whatever the pancreas secretes.
I’m one of the most insecure people in the world, always have been, and when you’re a fat kid, you try to make the fat jokes before other people make them.
My act’s not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.
I did lose my grandfather. He was special. He would tell me jokes, and he’d always be there to support me. I do wish I’d get the chance to see him again, because he was very special to my heart.
The New Zealand sense of humor is tough and realistic. Jokes are not surreal; they are about life and death and tough decisions.
I was a sign language interpreter from when I was 17, but I don’t do that anymore. Both of my parents were deaf. I grew up in a deaf household. I don’t do any jokes about it really, but yeah that was my day job.
If you’d asked me then if I saw how big ‘The Steve Harvey Morning Show’ was going to be, I couldn’t tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I’ve also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.
What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny.
The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda.
I don’t see anyone avoiding the Stones because DJs make jokes about them being a part of the Geritol set. All it does is make the DJs look stupid.
Fart jokes still work for me.
I don’t want to be with someone boring because I’m always laughing. I like to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.
The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
