Top 50 James Acaster Quotes

First I stopped believing in hell, then the afterlife. Sometimes that connection is still there, and I’ll feel an impulse to pray if I’m stressed or upset.

The comic I can now never enjoy again is Bill Cosby. He was truly one of the first comedians I got into.

If people leave the house wanting to see a comedian, they want to see someone speak out for themselves and share true stories from their life.

I’d say I get heckled quite a lot because I look quite like an easy target. If you’re an alpha-male and you think you’ve got something to prove to your girlfriend, I think I’m the perfect person to prove your worth.

Ross Noble at the Leicester De Montfort Hall on his Randomist tour – it’s the only time I’ve hurt from laughing at a standup comedian.

I like touring, and I like stopping off at service stations and driving along motorways.

One of the things I figured out was that I was having good gigs when I wore jumpers. It was because I looked more like an outsider, so they expected me to talk about weird stuff rather than normal stuff.

When you’re talking about a really horrible personal thing that happened to you… and it doesn’t get laughs… I feel really exposed and like I’ve overshared with some strangers.

I left school and didn’t go to university to be in a band.

I know what I want to talk about, but I don’t really know what’s funny about a joke until I perform it in front of an audience.

I really love standup, and I really love writing standup.

I’d decided to write about stuff that I would like to hear standup about.

You can play a gig as a band and not know that they hated you; with standup, after every line, you know.

I thought all good art is you doing exactly what you want to see. I didn’t realise that’s not even what I really like about art. Bands I liked weren’t doing just what they want to do: they were finding their common ground with them and me.

Because such a massive part of stand-up is trying and failing first, I’m not putting as much pressure on. Just going out and doing it is enough.

I grew up with interesting and funny people. We made our own fun. You had to use your imagination.

I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

My parents are very good examples of Christians. They are big on forgiveness.

Ross Noble at the Leicester De Montfort Hall on his Randomist tour – it’s the only time I’ve hurt from laughing at a standup comedian.

I never liked wrestling, but I thought The Rock was brilliant, and that is a statement to how funny he is that I’d even watch a show that I didn’t like just to see him on it.

I’m not a big depressive, but I have my moments.

I left school and didn’t go to university to be in a band.

I’m great under pressure.

If a comic laughs at their own jokes, I don’t like it. They shouldn’t find it funny; they should seriously believe in this stupid thing they’re saying.

I definitely want to be as good and original as I can.

I’m almost able to be more honest by lying. By making everything up, I’m able to say what I really want to.

I thought, ‘Anyone can make up a lie, but making the truth funny is really hard.’ But I actually had more problems with people believing me when I told the truth on stage.

What if every relationship you’ve ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn’t like you as much as they hoped they would?

Everyone was wearing jeans, so I started wearing slacks. I’d walk on, and people would laugh before I got to the mic because I looked stupid.

If people are coming to see me because they like what I do on ‘Mock the Week,’ that’s great because they are coming to see me being me.

The comic I can now never enjoy again is Bill Cosby. He was truly one of the first comedians I got into.

I think I can draw both a mainstream audience and an alternative audience to my shows. I also have the ability to disappoint both.

I’m always writing, always working.

Everyone was wearing jeans, so I started wearing slacks. I’d walk on, and people would laugh before I got to the mic because I looked stupid.

Certain celebs manage to worm their way out of the spotlight, and I won’t stand for that.

I got left for Mr. Bean. I found out a year after we split up. I opened the newspaper and there was a full-page story. No one else in the history of time has ever been left for Mr. Bean.

You can play a gig as a band and not know that they hated you; with standup, after every line, you know.

I know what I want to talk about, but I don’t really know what’s funny about a joke until I perform it in front of an audience.

I definitely want to be as good and original as I can.

There’s not many comedy characters that make me laugh as much as The Rock does; it’s nice to have a big muscly guy being funny and stupid.

If people are coming to see me because they like what I do on ‘Mock the Week,’ that’s great because they are coming to see me being me.

Every comic delves into the personal archive when their imagination runs dry.

There’s not many comedy characters that make me laugh as much as The Rock does; it’s nice to have a big muscly guy being funny and stupid.

I absolutely loathe sleeping in a tent, regardless of the weather.

There’s no excuse for panel games, other TV comedy shows, or even live bills to be made up mainly of men.

There were plenty of times before I did stand-up where I needed counselling, but I didn’t go because it would have meant I was officially ill.

I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

I really love standup, and I really love writing standup.

I think I can draw both a mainstream audience and an alternative audience to my shows. I also have the ability to disappoint both.

My mum is very funny when she wants to be.