I’m a nice guy – until you get on my bad side.
Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down the stairs. To make a comedy writer laugh, you have to push a real old lady down the stairs. I don’t know who that’s attributed to. I think it’s Aristophanes. Or Catherine the Great.
When me and my sister were growing up, we just had very different personalities. I was sort of analytical and took myself too seriously, and she was sort of goofy and nuts and full of love – too much love, she had a crush on a different guy every week.
A guy’s biggest style mistake is definitely trying to look too cool. As long as you’ve got a good pair of jeans, a good pair of boots and a few good shirts, you’re fine.
Why waltz with a guy for 10 rounds if you can knock him out in one?
The fact I have alopecia is a unique thing. It lends itself to these very bright, vibrant characters, whether a good guy or a bad guy.
Show me a guy who can’t pitch inside and I’ll show you a loser.
I used to think religion was just more of the same thing. Dump responsibility on the big guy. Now I see an importance in that. It’s a relief to accept that not everything is under your control.
Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.
If a guy doesn’t work hard and doesn’t play well, he can’t lead anything. All he is, is a talker.
When I read the pilot ‘for Married with Children’, it just reminded me of my Uncle Joe… just a self-deprecating kind of guy. He’d come home from work, and the wife would maybe say ‘I ran over the dog this morning in the driveway’. And he would say ‘Fine, what’s for dinner?
I’m a 6’4′ guy who can run every route. I can get in and out of breaks like a 5’10’ guy.
If you can’t play the good guy, sometimes you’ve got to play the villain.
Being the new guy, you’re gonna dress your best every day. When you’re the cool guy, you gonna be like, ‘Ah, I’m the cool guy anyway. I don’t need to dress like that.’
I’m OK with being the Old Spice Guy because before I was the Old Spice Guy I was the guy looking for work on his couch.
I don’t really have a type. I don’t want to be a cliche. But personality is a big thing for me. You can find cute guys all over. But he’s got to have some sort of sense of humor, which is so hard to find in a guy. He’s got to be a bit smart.
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
People try to put ownership on things: ‘That’s mine, that’s my joke.’ No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, ‘Oh, that’s Charlie Chaplin.’ You know what I mean? You can’t own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can’t own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh.
I’m the most humblest guy you can ever talk to or meet.
I’d rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
I’m a very motivated guy.
I’m a random guy. I shake a hand and make a friend. I don’t do egotistical things.
I’ve had friends who say that they would never forgive cheating, but then they fall in love, the guy cheats, and they forgive him. I don’t know what I would do.
I was working for a chef a long time ago who told me to not skip steps or be in a hurry. Success in a kitchen is more like a marathon and less like a sprint. Rising up the ranks too quickly isn’t necessarily a good thing. This advice was from a guy who was sorry he had done that and didn’t want me to do the same.
Most people, if you live in a big city, you see some form of schizophrenia every day, and it’s always in the form of someone homeless. ‘Look at that guy – he’s crazy. He looks dangerous.’ Well, he’s on the streets because of mental illness. He probably had a job and a home.
I’m standing behind a wall of jokes. You don’t know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I’m not on the road. There’s this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don’t know anything about me.
I’ve given up looking for a boyfriend. That’s not to say I won’t be interested if the right guy comes along. But I’m not in a hurry.
I don’t like to risk – I’m actually not a tough guy at all, make no mistake about it, so I’m not going to do something that I’m scared of. So, if something looks dangerous, at the time I didn’t think it was, because I’m the first person to cower away from a risk of injury if there seems to be one.
I’m an ordinary guy serving an extraordinary God – and that makes the difference.
All the screen cowboys behaved like real gentlemen. They didn’t drink, they didn’t smoke. When they knocked the bad guy down, they always stood with their fists up, waiting for the heavy to get back on his feet. I decided I was going to drag the bad guy to his feet and keep hitting him.
I am a reserved guy and need somebody to pep me up every day, Upsi does that job perfectly. She is very vivacious and outspoken, so we blend very well. We both love travelling, and we have a thing for adventure. We love being outdoors and like to ride our own boat rather than being rowed by someone else.
Usually action films have a formula: good guy gets in trouble, his wife dies, friends have problems, so he goes to the mountain, learns martial arts, comes back, and kills the bad guy.
I’m the one guy who says don’t force the stupid people to be quiet. I want to know who the morons are.
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
There is no singing anymore, everything is yelling and shouting and rapping and that is real boring to a guy like me.
I’m a big candle guy.
Craig Newmark looks like the kind of guy who would help you move your apartment, sell your furniture, get a job, or help you find that cute girl you saw on the subway.
It’s a good pair of jeans and a pair of boots that are comfortable and a T-shirt; that’s as far as I go. Getting wild with it might be a nice jacket, but I’m not a high-fashion guy for sure.
Would they call me a diva if I were a guy?
It’s always a tough process when you’re always the best guy on your team, in high school, in middle school, AAU and things like that. Then you come together, and you may not be the best guy on the team. You may have to adjust. You may not be a go to scorer. You may have to be a picker. You may have to be a rebounder.
Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I think the ordinary guy has just as much right to say ‘This is a good song’ as somebody who is in the music business.
I am a big music guy. Hip-hop, R&B, old school, jazz.
I used to be obsessed with Johnny Depp. I never thought of him as this normal guy. I just always imagined him as someone who lives in a far-off land and doesn’t even exist.
I’m not a tech guy. I’m looking at the technology with the eyes of my customers, normal people’s eyes.
If you are going to make a change, make it big and bold. Walk up to the biggest guy on the block, stand in his face and get it started. Then go around, brigade by brigade, making it make sense.
Well, when you think of Dale Earnhardt, you think of determination. You think of grit. Just a blue-collar, working-class guy that got out there and fought for the checkered flag and fought hard for it. And I got so much out of him. He inspired me.
God, I’m just a fat bald guy, 60 years old, singing the blues, you know?
I’m lucky to have my dad in my life. He’s very brilliant, I think he’s really a smart man, and he’s a kind guy.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
I’m an old-fashioned guy… I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.
I am a very emotional guy. What I love, I do with all I have.
I hate when a guy brags… or he sweats.
‘Twenty One Pilots’ is a play by Arthur Miller, who also wrote ‘All My Sons.’ It’s about a guy who’s creating and developing parts for airplanes in war time, when it comes to his attention that some of these parts were faulty.
There’s no such thing as a perfect guy. I think it would be strange if somebody was absolutely everything you always wanted, because then there’d be no challenge. Also, you’d feel inferior.
I am a guy who likes to do what I am doing with passion, whether it’s a soccer match with friends or golf.
I’m never the biggest guy on the football field.
I was single for a while and dating and… I just didn’t know how to do it! I’ve always been like that: when I was 15, there was a guy I liked, and we made out, and I thought that meant he was my boyfriend.
But I’m not a tough guy or a street fighter for real. I’m just an actor.
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
I’m just a big old nerd. I’m not that cool guy at all.
Smell is something that attracts me instantly. So if the guy smells nice, there is an instant attraction.
Hip-hop is so saturated with the same old same old that people always expect the guy to actually be the guy. They want you to be real and straight from the streets and all that.
