I don’t think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I did this movie called ‘Their Eyes Were Watching God,’ and I was an extra, and it was a movie that Oprah was producing. She had walked by, and I was making all the other extras laugh, and she said, ‘You’re a very funny young lady.’ I was like, ‘Eeeee!’
I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, ‘I wish I was that good.’ People think I’m funny, and I say, ‘I’m not.’
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I know I’m more on television, and I’m more recognisable than maybe even the players because they run and train, but I just stand there, and my face does all these funny things that everyone can see all the time.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
I like Jacques Derrida; I think he’s funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he’s not taking things seriously, but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn’t you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?
What’s funny about my resume is so much of what I’ve done has not been seen.
In ‘The Sound of Music,’ I was a von Trapp daughter in a white dress with a blue satin sash, and my line was, ‘I’m Brigitta. I’m 12, and all I want is a good time.’ I got a laugh. And I was so delighted, I laughed, too. Sadly, that’s a problem I still have – onstage, I laugh hysterically at how funny I am.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
I grew up playing hockey and some football, and I always think about the first time you walk into the locker room on a new team. The cliques are looking at you funny, and you make one friend, but then they’re trying to stab you in the back.
Wine is similar to music in that it’s a purely experiential realm, and it’s a purely subjective practice. That’s sort of the funny thing about wine criticism or, for that matter, music criticism. At times, those are useful guides, but ultimately it’s all about how you react to that music or wine.
I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.
Since childhood, I’ve been a clown. I’ve always liked being very funny or trying to make people laugh. It’s my original self.
My chin’s too big. And my nose – my nose is funny.
If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.
My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that’s all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn’t Mama. Now I’ve bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them.
Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding.
One man’s folly is another man’s wife.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women – we’re all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And the great thing with comedy is that most of the time, you could be orange. It doesn’t matter, as long you’re funny.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it’s a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you.
There’s a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn’t nice, but grumpy is funny.
It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
I’m a funny person, but I take my music seriously.
When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
I’m probably not very funny. The scripts just don’t come in, or the ones that do aren’t that good. I suppose I’m just an old drama queen, really.
It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
If you’re contriving something, if you’re making something up, it’s not funny. You can tell. It’s instant. It has to come from someplace real.
After all is said and done, sit down.
What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
Looking the way I look, whenever anybody’s looking for a light brown funny guy, I get the call… I’m 100 percent Greek, but I look like I could be Indian or Middle Eastern or Hispanic. If it’s ethnic, they’ll try and put me in it.
I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.
I don’t mean to be funny.
It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
One longs to be funny, to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval, isn’t it?
Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
It’s true; I have a skill and it’s… it has not related to acting, it’s not related to auditions, it’s not related to studios, not related to public whim. It’s whether I’m funny or not and whether I can entertain people.
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
In terms of the creative side of it, it’s really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.
Tennis is a funny game, and it takes a life-time of keeping one’s eyes open on the circuit to have any chance of understanding the strange phenomena that exist in our exciting sport!
It’s a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it’s when you discover that your wife left you in May.
My dad is a storyteller. I’ve heard his funny stories 500 times, but I would never stop him because he tells them so brilliantly and still knows where to put the funny bit.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way.
I’m thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great, such a great dude, and really funny.
It’s funny, I guess when I was growing up, I didn’t really think about being an instrumentalist, per se. I didn’t think, well, I want to be a piano player, or, I want to be a guitar player, or even, I want to be a singer. I just wanted to be a musician.
A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.
I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
When I got the phone call that I was going to be on ‘Drag Race’ I thought I was going to win. I thought I was going to win ‘Drag Race’ before I was even cast. I’m not even being funny. I’m being serious.
An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
When I was right out of college, I felt competitive with some of the guys in my class over career stuff. It’s funny now to think about it – that a friend getting a job or something had anything to do with me… I think that my relationship with my wife has played a pivotal role in the chilling out of Aaron.
The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
