When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
Mom was so funny and loving to us kids. She was our first audience. When my dad died, I was suddenly alone in the house with her because my two older brothers were away at college. I was the man of the house, and she was the grieving woman.
I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.
Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.
I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Novels are not about expressing yourself, they’re about something beautiful, funny, clever and organic. Self-expression? Go and ring a bell in a yard if you want to express yourself.
Comedy is just an unspoken language. Everybody understands it. Funny is funny. When it’s not funny, they’ll let you know.
Comedy is only funny when there’s real pain.
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school – comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty.
I mean, sometimes… a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don’t deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don’t even notice that that’s the thing.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, ‘Oh, man!’ I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.
It’s a funny thing… I started touring at nine or ten years old, and for the first ten, fifteen, almost twenty years of your career, you’re the youngest guy on stage and the youngest guy in the room.
To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that’s what’s really funny – people who think they’re doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out.
I gave a funny speech at my wife’s birthday party, and I’m thinking, ‘Hey, I’ve still got it.’
It’s funny how people who ain’t never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It’s funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, ‘Get up. What’s wrong with you?’
It’s truly a new day ever since we graced the WWE Universe with our presence. Every time we come out there, you see us being funny, having fun, entertaining people and, of course, preaching the power of positivity. That’s what New Day is all about.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
I read part of it all the way through.
If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
There’s only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.
I’ve never worked in my natural accent, having studied so hard to get rid of it when I moved to England as a child where I was bullied at school for ‘talking funny.’
Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it’s really how it works.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I’m screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I’m funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that’s appreciated by young people.
What bothers most critics of my work is the goofiness. One reviewer said I need to make up my mind if want to be funny or serious. My response is that I will make up my mind when God does, because life is a commingling of the sacred and the profane, good and evil. To try and separate them is fallacy.
I’ve always loved ‘Umbrella.’ Funny enough, my ex-husband wrote that, and I’m not saying it was meant for me or anything – people will start twisting this – it is Rihanna’s song! But I’ve always loved it.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Never floss with a stranger.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.
It’s funny – when I first started as an actor, obviously there were long periods of being idle and all you want to do is work. So if I ever get the compulsion to feel like I should complain or feel like I want to take a break, I just remember how I was before and be very grateful for it.
Someone said to me at a party once, ‘Oh, yeah, you’re a comedian? Then how come you’re not funny now?’ And I just wanted to say, ‘Well, I’m just going to take this conversation we’re having and then repeat that to strangers, and then that’s the joke. You’re the joke later.’
I’m funny when I want to be. And I’m even funny when I don’t want to be.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.
And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that’s funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there’s all kinds of advantages to it.
I wasn’t close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time – good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together.
I’m a funny guy. You’ve got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once.
I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I’m big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day.
Do you know, it’s funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
When I do a voiceover now, there are always a few people I’ve borrowed bits off, whether it’s their hats or facial hair, who’ll say: ‘That’s so funny; it’s obviously based on this guy.’ You think, ‘It ain’t: it’s you.’ Actors never think characters are based on them.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.
I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Racing is a funny industry. One week you can be going terrible and the next week you’re on top of the world. So you just keep showing up: I keep working harder to get more opportunities, but what do you do – that’s life.
I can’t even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don’t seem like real people to me: they’re props that often say horrible things to each other, which I don’t find funny. I have to feel like they’re real people.
Everyone tells me I have a funny accent. It’s because I copy people. I learned English at school but have best friends who are French, Australian, English and American; a very weird mix.
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.
It’s funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I’ve had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it’s just because they don’t behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
I like to be funny. I can’t stay all the time focused, disciplined, controlled. Behaviour like that is impossible. If the players are too nervous before a game, I have to relax them, calm them.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny…’
I love Adele. Adele is my favorite artist. She’s British. She’s funny. She’s just an amazing, incredible voice, and I love to sing as well.
Crashing is never funny, but sometimes you can jump up, laugh at your stupidity, and go, ‘What the hell was that?’
