Top 75 Bloke Quotes

Words matter. These are the best Bloke Quotes from famous people such as Jo Brand, Nick Frost, Tim Vine, Jet Li, Johnny Vegas, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.

I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Je

I’m not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.
Jo Brand
People presume just because you’re a bigger bloke that you wouldn’t be physically fit or up for the fight, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Nick Frost
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’
Tim Vine
I have met Jackie Chan about 6 times up ’til now… and even though many people think we are natural enemies, I personally think he is a cool bloke and would honestly love to work with him in a film one time – that would a well brilliant movie!
Jet Li
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Johnny Vegas
When I made a breakthrough as an actor, people started to say, ‘Who’s that bloke with the funny name?’ They advised me to change it, saying it would never be put up in lights outside theaters because they couldn’t afford the electricity. But I would never contemplate changing it. It’s who I am.
Pete Postlethwaite
I’m the bald fat bloke off ‘MasterChef.’
Gregg Wallace
Look, I’ve always been a confident bloke. I’m grateful to my mother for that.
Bryan Brown
I’m good friends with Robbie Williams because we both grew up in Stoke and our dads went to the same pubs. His dad, Pete, is like my second dad, I can talk to him about anything and I see him most weeks. And Rob is brilliant, a really generous, lovely bloke.
Phil Taylor
I go through money like a bloke with three arms.
Anton du Beke
If I was fat and had a strong regional accent and was a bloke, I’d be a stand-up. Because I think I’m funny.
Katie Hopkins
I am good in bed – I don’t snore. I don’t take the duvet. I just lay there and go straight off to sleep. That’s all you want out of a bloke.
Len Goodman
My wife Jane left me for another man. Then I fell in love with a bloke. I have been gay ever since.
Craig Revel Horwood
I’m good friends with Robbie Williams because we both grew up in Stoke and our dads went to the same pubs. His dad, Pete, is like my second dad, I can talk to him about anything and I see him most weeks. And Rob is brilliant, a really generous, lovely bloke.
Phil Taylor
Australia has always encouraged the little bloke to have a go, the Aussie battler to get up.
Andrew Forrest
I was never a good-looking bloke. Not by a long chalk.
Rod Stewart
Look, I’ve always been a confident bloke. I’m grateful to my mother for that.
Bryan Brown
I’m difficult to cast. In comedy, if there’s a female character, usually written by a bloke, she’s either the ditsy good-looking one, or the sexually aggressive one. I never fit into those.
Daisy May Cooper
You have to enjoy winning and being part of a successful team, just being a young bloke. But at the same time you want to be back page and not front page news and be spoken about for your cricket and contributing to winning rather than getting it wrong on a night out.
Joe Root
The biggest battles in human history can only ever be seen through the eyes of the bloke on the front line, and that’s by definition a very focused view and one that will vary from individual to individual.
Karen Traviss
I’ve been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke.
Bob Mortimer
To act for a living is a gift, and understanding you’re a lucky bloke keeps your feet on the ground.
Michael Socha
The mullet has made a comeback, of sorts, and it looks great on young people. But I think if I was walking round with a mullet 25 years later I’d just look like a bloke who’s stuck in the 80s.
Limahl
I have met Jackie Chan about 6 times up ’til now… and even though many people think we are natural enemies, I personally think he is a cool bloke and would honestly love to work with him in a film one time – that would a well brilliant movie!
Jet Li
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’ ‘No thanks,’ says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.’
Tommy Cooper
I’m a really boring bloke, actually. My business is my hobby.
Lloyd Dorfman
To act for a living is a gift, and understanding you’re a lucky bloke keeps your feet on the ground.
Michael Socha
My dad was a different bloke to me and not very nice to my mum, although I never judge him. If you did, you’d become one of those people who is all-consumed by a fault in their past. And I haven’t got the time for it.
Martin Clunes
I get a lot of comments from people that I’m just an ordinary bloke. They immediately feel they have a closer relationship with you; they relate to you.
Gerry Harvey
Once you don’t smile on film, they say, ‘Let’s have that bloke who doesn’t smile.’
Richard C. Armitage
If you’re a single Sheila and you’re trying to find an Australian bloke, you duck off down there to Australia. You go to the Red Centre: you’ll find there’s a few shearers, a few stockmen, and there you will find an Australian bloke.
Nick Cummins
The biggest battles in human history can only ever be s

The biggest battles in human history can only ever be seen through the eyes of the bloke on the front line, and that’s by definition a very focused view and one that will vary from individual to individual.
Karen Traviss
I’m going to get hated for saying this, but honestly, fantasy is easy to write because you can do anything. It’s like when Raymond Chandler brings in a bloke with a gun when he’s stuck – in fantasy, up pops a wizard, and off we go.
Mal Peet
I think the astute viewer can recognise I am the proper bloke, because I have a toolbox and can put things back together, and I can quote W. B. Yeats and Alfred Lord Tennyson.
James May
I used to think anyone with abandonment issues was a waste of space. But you do need to get help. Blokes don’t talk about those things. It’s a taboo in the bloke world.
Jimmy Barnes
If an audience is watching you and you’re a bloke – it’s the same as if you’re a woman. They’re expecting the same: to be entertained.
Sarah Millican
The wife’s run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
Les Dawson
A good education gives you confidence to stick up your hand for anything – whether it is the job you want, or the bloke. And the more you stick up your hand, the better your chances are that you will get what you want.
Kate Reardon
You always hear people saying, ‘I hope I’m not turning into my dad’, but I’d be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
Johnny Vegas
I’m the bald fat bloke off ‘MasterChef.’
Gregg Wallace
I go through money like a bloke with three arms.
Anton du Beke
I’m a man of the people, a man for all people. I reckon that’s why I won ‘Celebrity Big Brother.’ People saw the real me, a decent bloke.
Bez
You always hear people saying, ‘I hope I’m not turning into my dad’, but I’d be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
Johnny Vegas
I just want to be a normal lad and not known as ‘that bloke off the telly.’
Kelvin Fletcher
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’
Tommy Cooper
I do pool exercises, like weightlifting but underwater. I walk, I swim… I’m pretty fit for an old bloke.
Eric Idle
I do revel slightly in the fact that I am what I am – an English, middle-class, public-school-educated bloke. There is a reputation with that of being slightly stiff, but whoever gets to know me will see some other element – whether it be vulnerable or silly or camp.
Elliot Cowan
I’ve been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke.
Bob Mortimer
‘Normal bloke’ is my style.
James May
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’
Tim Vine
Some bloke came up to me in Tesco a couple of years ago at 11:30 pm and said: ‘Excuse me, would you mind telling my son here that you’re Uncle Vernon?’ I said: ‘Get a grip. It’s 11:30 at night – what’s he doing out of bed? I’m not here to entertain people at this time of night.
Richard Griffiths
If you’re a single Sheila and you’re trying to find an Australian bloke, you duck off down there to Australia. You go to the Red Centre: you’ll find there’s a few shearers, a few stockmen, and there you will find an Australian bloke.
Nick Cummins
I used to think anyone with abandonment issues was a waste of space. But you do need to get help. Blokes don’t talk about those things. It’s a taboo in the bloke world.
Jimmy Barnes
I’m the type of bloke who gets a flatpack cabinet from Ikea, puts it together without reading the instructions, then gets the drill out because the holes are in the wrong place.
John Bishop
A bloke once yelled out: ‘You’ve got chubby knees.’ I was 19. I’ve had a real complex about my knees ever since.
Mel Giedroyc
By the time I was 25 or 26, I would have earned a million, but if you looked in the bank account, it’s not there because I’ve spent it. That’s what it’s there for. I don’t want to be the richest bloke in the graveyard. Look at Elvis.
Eric Bristow
You want to be appreciated for all your work as opposed to one performance, but I’ll always be ‘that bloke from ‘Lock, Stock’.’ You’ve got to embrace it.
Nick Moran
One of the reasons why I don’t leave Northampton is that the people don’t treat me like a celebrity. I’ve been here for years; I’m just that bloke with long hair.
Alan Moore
The wife’s run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
Les Dawson
I’m not a blokey bloke. I don’t take myself too seriously. But that doesn’t stop me being a bad person sometimes and doing things I regret. Such as having a child with someone you’ve split up with, then falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone else. That’s quite difficult.
Tom Ellis
I still get knickers thrown on stage, but not as much as they used to. In fact, I get bloke’s boxer shorts thrown on and someone rolled a coconut on stage the other night.
Chesney Hawkes