Words matter. These are the best Bill Engvall Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
When I drove up on the set one day, and they’d put up a sign that says ‘The Bill Engvall Show,’ I stood there for 20 minutes just staring at it. The director, James Widdoes, came up and said, ‘What are you doing?’ And I said, ‘Look at this! There’s my name on a stage door in Hollywood!’
I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
I’m a California Angels fan because that’s the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
I’ve really got no complaints.
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don’t want to turn on the TV and say, ‘What is this crap?’
The one thing people like about my show is it’s universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, ‘Something like that happened to me.’
It’s funny: people who meet me say, ‘I thought you’d be different.’ But I’m still the same guy.
I eat fish, chicken, vegetables and other healthier foods. I do love a great steak.
I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be John Wayne.
I don’t pick on people.
I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
I’d like to see the Amazon rainforests before they’re all gone, and also the Galapagos – that’s another one I’d like to do. I’d love to go diving in those areas. Basically, places, like, that are kind of going away, and I’d like to see them before they all become condos and high-rises.
Jay Leno told me once, ‘Don’t do jokes about things you don’t know about.’
I’ve learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.
I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you feel great afterwards.
I haven’t been really nervous about a gig in a long time.
I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn’t stop myself. I asked the stupid question. ‘You lock your keys in the car?’ ‘Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.’
A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don’t know anything more about the act then when you got there.
There’s a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United States of America, and I support and believe in the Second Amendment.
I’ve never said I was the best dancer, and I never said I was a good dancer.
I don’t do politics, I don’t do religion, I don’t do ethnic jokes.
I don’t have big time celebrity friends – I’m just a guy.
If you’re just a nice guy – you don’t let people walk on you – but if you’re just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.
America loves to watch people growing and getting better.
My goal is for ‘The Bill Engvall Show’ to be a show the networks look at and say, ‘Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.’
My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are… the ones breaking into your house.
As my wife says, I’ll never fully retire, but it’ll start to slow down. I’ll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won’t be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.
In syndication, the biggest buyers are car dealerships.
I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That’s a good time-killer.
