Words matter. These are the best David Letterman Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
Here’s a little known fact – Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.
There’s only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe – because I’ve done a little of this myself – pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it’s live. You know, it’s like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I’m telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
Wherever we’ve travelled in this great land of ours, we’ve found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
For the love of God, folks, don’t try this at home.
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
There is no off position on the genius switch.
The weather here is gorgeous. It’s mild and feels like it’s in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.
It’s so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early – is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
Don’t forget it’s daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It’s like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.
I’m just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they’ll probably go with a different body.
If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsover.
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That’s bad news – they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He’s dead, then he’s alive, then dead, then alive. It’s just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen – he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It’s all part of Woody’s plan to grow his own wives.
New York… when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he’s also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don’t know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
USA Today has come out with a new survey – apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.