Top 30 Jon Richardson Quotes

I’m not building my life round not being able to bear the thought of being in my 60s and not having someone next to me when I wake up in the morning. That’s not what drives me.

It doesn’t mean you can’t discuss important things, but I would never do a joke about cancer, just because I don’t think any joke is funny enough to justify upsetting someone who is going through that.

‘One Leg Too Few’ by Peter Cook is a perfect sketch. The setting is ridiculous, the language is beautiful, and the performances make the most of every syllable and movement.

I really like stews: everything in a bowl boiled down right to its essence.

I’m almost always trying to be funny, even when I’m on my own. I think it’s the desire to channel my anger and frustration into something more positive than sitting at home being unpleasant.

I cannot stand when you go to a wedding and get fed tiny portions. I want everyone to have a good feed on my wedding day, so I plan on having several types of sausage, mash, and gravy up for grabs. Every guest will have a Yorkshire pudding, too!

When you are single, you’re invested in the world because you have to be, because that’s all you’ve got. When you have a kid, it’s not more or less; it’s just a different way of worrying about the world. And worrying about the world after I’m dead.

A ‘nidiot’ is something different from an idiot. An idiot is someone whose problems are caused by not concentrating enough. A ‘nidiot’ is someone who makes his life more complicated by thinking too much rather than not enough. I’m not an idiot, but I’m definitely a ‘nidiot’!

I remember a night when I was living in Swindon on my own, and I couldn’t sit on the couch because there were two cushions, and I couldn’t sit equally between them.

In reality, as a comedian, you’re successful because you’re funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything.

If I had a choice, I would rather watch a comedian not involve themselves in politics at all but be hilarious than someone who doesn’t really know what they’re talking about getting on their soapbox and complaining.

I always mention stacking the dishwasher – any opportunity. But it’s the consequences – it’s the food poisoning and the potential death that will come with not loading the dishwasher properly.

I’m very lucky to be a comedian, and I feel privileged that people come to see me in the expectation that I will make them laugh.

I think a pessimist is just an optimist who has had their heart repeatedly broken.

I think anyone can bake, but I don’t think I can bake well. I sort of feel like baking is just, like, chocolate and butter and sugar, and that is always nice, so I think anyone can bake, you can put those things together, and it will come out all right. The next level of that, I definitely can’t do.

No book has ever made me laugh as much as ‘I, Partridge.’

Comedy gigs are there because you are all in acceptance that the world is not the way it should be. You have to give yourself a break; otherwise, you would sit crying in a darkened room.

I put a lot of effort into not upsetting people and trying to do things the right way, so I feel I can reserve the right to complain when I feel let down by others.

Having a child has been the most unexpected privilege, as I spent so long on my own thinking it would never happen.

My mum’s amazing. She’s the person I admire most, I think, in her sacrifice to me and my sister and her level of emotional sacrifice to people around her. She takes a high level of personal responsibility for the welfare of people around her.

When I’m filming a documentary, I feel like I should be the straight man, watching with a raised eyebrow.

I accept you can’t achieve perfection all the time, but you can achieve perfection of intent, maybe. I don’t think you can go into a relationship with anything other than the intention of it being perfect.

I think comedy can be a way of sugar-coating a pill that needs to be taken, and whatever I complain about onstage, I hope I justify the negativity by using humour to make the point.

I love the privilege of looking back on my life every three years, turning it into a comedy show, and sharing it with an audience. It’s incredibly cathartic.

When you’re single, you’re not beholden to anyone, and you can shut down more easily. In the past, I had the idea that I’d live in a caravan with a dog near a pub with no responsibilities. But now, when bad things happen in the world, I feel responsible for them because they’re going to impact on my daughter.

I like small parties with people I know. I like eating pizza at home with my girlfriend.

The only big life challenge I think I’m worried about is a mid-life crisis because I’ve done so little. I think if people who’ve lived normal lives have mid-life crises and buy motorbikes, what is a man who’s done nothing?

To say I wasn’t such a hit with the ladies would be a very kind way of putting it. I was a slow burner, shall we say.

If I’m with someone, I want them to be perfectly happy all the time. That, for me, would be the reason you would devote yourself to one person.

I get quite frustrated about a lot of things on a day-to-day basis. I can’t help it; it is an impulse with me.