Top 30 Mitzvah Quotes

A Bar Mitzvah is the time in his life when a Jewish boy realizes he has a better chance of owning a team than playing for one.

My parents’ convictions, when it came to discipline, were not very strong. For my bar mitzvah, I gave out a mix tape of ’90s grunge – if you got it now, you would think it was the ‘Singles’ soundtrack.

I’m not a boy now. I’m a man, I hope. I hope I’ve had my artistic bar mitzvah somewhere.

I was the – my trendsetting moment was my bar mitzvah had the first, like, temporary tattoo guy.

In high school, I taught dance classes for 3-year-olds up to 16-year-olds, so between that and some bat mitzvah money, I saved up a pretty good nest egg to move to L.A.

I went to Hebrew school but opted out of a bar mitzvah.

I had a bat mitzvah, was confirmed, went to Jewish summer camp, I go to temple for the High Holy Days. I think, like most people in their early 20s, I kind of strayed away from it. I think once I have a family I’ll be back into it.

That room was not available, and the only other room had been booked for a Jewish bar mitzvah. I called the father and told him I needed the room and I would pay him to move the bar mitzvah to an adjoining room which was smaller.

In a bar mitzvah, you do the candle-lighting ceremony with the cake. Every birthday, the cake is the big moment.

If a girl comes to me first for a prom or a bar mitzvah and she likes the way she looks and her boyfriend likes the way she looks, she’ll come back.

When I celebrated my bar mitzvah, there was no cake. Today, there is no such thing as a bar mitzvah in the United States without a special cake. It can be even more complicated and expensive than a wedding cake, because bar-mitzvah cakes are often based on a particular theme.

I actually got thrown into my Bar Mitzvah because my teacher, my Cantor, did not tell me that they would all say ‘amen’ at the end of each, for want of a better word, paragraph. And that threw me completely. I almost went into an Ella Fitzgerald sort of scat.

I grew up in a secular suburban Jewish household where we only observed the religion on very specific times like a funeral or a Bar Mitzvah.

To be honest, you go to a bat mitzvah in Los Angeles, and you can count on at least a few industry people to be there.

Ever since I was a little girl, I loved to make things. I always made dresses for my Barbie dolls. When I was 13, I designed my Bat Mitzvah dress.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I did go to cheder and was a bar mitzvah. We were members of an Orthodox synagogue, although we were not religious. My grandfather was Polish. He came to Ireland in the ’30s.

Personally, I would miss a wedding. I would miss childbirth. I would miss a bar mitzvah just to see me talk at all.

My brother had been given a chemistry set for his bar mitzvah, but he wasn’t interested in it. It was upstairs in the attic, and I would sneak up there and use it at great peril because I was afraid if he found out, he would get very angry at me, but he didn’t seem to care.

My bar mitzvah, I went to my nan’s, and she made kugel.

When my father came out on stage wearing a big cowboy hat and a shirt lettered ‘Bar Mitzvah Ranch’ to sing ‘Home on the Range’ in Yiddish, it was his way of saying, ‘I want to be an American.’

Well, when I was 13, for my bar mitzvah I received my first typewriter. And that was special.

I fought tooth and nail: I didn’t want to learn Hebrew. My Bar Mitzvah came around, and I didn’t want to read the Torah portion. I look back with a lot of chagrin about how I behaved.

Every bar mitzvah I ever went to was, ‘Here comes ‘Oh, What a Night.’

I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert comics at the time, and I guess the two kind of got fused in my mind. I’ve always imagined God as an irrational, distractible boss. It’s my best explanation for our planet.

I’m a good Jewish boy from Edison, New Jersey, so I went and saw ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ because you have to: that’s part of your bar mitzvah experience.

I think my first experience of art, or the joy in making art, was playing the horn at some high-school dance or bar mitzvah or wedding, looking at a roomful of people moving their bodies around in time to what I was doing. There was a piano player, a bass player, a drummer, and my breath making the melody.

I had a world theme at my Bar Mitzvah: each table was a different country. I had a miserable time. There was one picture of me, and I’m wearing a double-breasted suit. There were all these people having fun, and I’m just standing there. I look like a corporate lawyer who just found out he’s not making partner.

I knew I had a remarkable voice, but I was embarrassed because it was so high. But when I sang at my bar mitzvah, the rabbi was in tears. He said to my parents, ‘He must become a cantor in the synagogue,’ but my mother said, ‘No, he’s going to be a concert pianist.’

I was a heathen Jewess with no bat mitzvah. Only the neurosis, the brown hair, and the self-deprecating humor. But being one of the only Jewish kids in my WASPy hometown definitely informed my perspective on the humor of being an outsider.