Words matter. These are the best Robert Orben Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it ‘arm around the shoulder’ humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It’s mean, mean stuff.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it’s all going, then get ahead of it.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Do your kids a favor – don’t have any.
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee – or laugh.
There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers.
Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.
Spring is God’s way of saying, ‘One more time!’
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
