Words matter. These are the best Andy Rooney Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
We’re all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don’t make any big ones.
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don’t return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you.
Let’s make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We’ll pick a week next year and we’ll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever ‘curling’ means.
Obscenities… I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can’t think of what they want to say and they’re frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren’t very smart – want to be just one of the boys.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
The Super Bowl isn’t for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
I don’t pick subjects as much as they pick me.
I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
I don’t think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it’s probably a good thing. We don’t need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
I’m in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it’s wrong that I get fired, well, I’ve got enough to eat.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Writers don’t retire. I will always be a writer.
