Top 33 Comedy Club Quotes

We went to open-mike night at a comedy club called Stanford & Sons and the comics were terrible. My cousin dared me to get up there and, well, he was challenging my manhood. I had to do it.

If I find a comedy club where no one’s camera works, I’ll go.

I’ve played every comedy club and every theatre across the country for the last 25 years and seen a lot of audience members from different ethnic persuasions.

I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I’d go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn’t get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn’t bother having me killed.

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words – they work ‘blue.’ If you don’t want to hear a joke that’s blue, you shouldn’t go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

I didn’t take anything from anyone – first of all. Second of all, I opened a comedy club with money that I saved over 25 years. I created jobs.

I very rarely laugh. I remember I used to have a joy at comedy. I remember going to see Sean Lock for the first time live, just in some comedy club when I was 18, and again, just guttural, pure laughter. I didn’t know what he was doing; I couldn’t see the tricks.

Every few months I’ll pop into a comedy club or go to Vegas.

TV is easier: it’s all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.

There’s nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it’s going really well. I can see everybody’s face practically in the whole room. There’s no cameras in the way, and it’s just me.

If you look at a bill of comics at a comedy club they spread the women out over the months because there aren’t that many women doing it.

The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it.

I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.

Science was always a passion, but I also loved ‘Monty Python’ and ‘The Young Ones,’ and I discovered the Footlights comedy club at university, where a lot of those people got their start. I had a go and loved it immediately. After that, I just couldn’t stop writing sketches, and it all took off from there.

No one set that I ever do is the same. I mean, if I go to a comedy club, and I perform three sets, all three sets are different because anything can happen in between sets.

One night I went to this comedy club and paid a hard-earned $5 to get in, and every comic that came up was dry as an old turkey wishbone, as in not even close to being funny. When you’re broke and you pay $5 to see somebody, you want them to be funny.

My dream is not Hollywood, but to perform my act in English to 30 people in a Soho comedy club, to show New Yorkers what they look like from the French point of view.

When I started doing stand-up again, a lot of it was coming from an angrier place, and I quickly learned that doesn’t spell a good time in a comedy club.

Comedy club audiences pay up to $25 per person and another fistful of cash to cover a two-drink minimum, so when they don’t like something, they let you know – with silence.

I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, ‘Well, that may be inappropriate,’ but it was great!’

With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out, book a venue, people will come, then film it. I do all that myself; I never have to answer to anybody.

I started doing little amateur nights at the comedy club that was right next to the restaurant that I waitressed in when I was in university. I was probably 22 years old. I didn’t do it with any intention of making a career out of it; I had just always valued comedy.

Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it’s painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it’s extremely painful.

I want to own a comedy club.

I thought ‘Garfunkel and Oates’ would be too confusing, but it ended up being confusing in the best of ways because the first time we played a comedy club, it was because they thought we were the real Garfunkel and Oates.

I feel that if you can play on the streets or in a comedy club, then in a theatre it’s a doddle because you’ve got an audience.

I would make it illegal to walk into a comedy club with a tie on.

The beauty of comedy is, when people come to a comedy club, there is a certain veil of reality suspended.

I think the process of ‘SNL’ is still pretty formal. You make an audition tape, your agent sends it in, they watch people’s tapes, and then they invite people to perform at a comedy club in Los Angeles or New York. But I don’t know how much actual scouting they do online.

I grew up in Iowa, and the improv comedy club Comedy-Sportz across the river in Illinois held auditions. They took me even though I was only 16 – you really had to be 18, but they never checked me for ID.

My life plan was to get into drama school and become an actor, but it took me three years. I applied while I was still at school in my final year, and I didn’t get in anywhere, so I took a job in a comedy club – not doing stand-up comedy, because that’s my idea of hell, but in the office – and I went traveling.

If I had to perform in a comedy club I would bomb; I would be trying too hard.