Top 33 Jen Lancaster Quotes

When you think about a drill sergeant, a drill sergeant expects you to perform your best, and if you don’t, they’re going to stay on you until you do.

The Tao of Jen was very much the Tao of hiding everything that didn’t look good. The Tao of Jen is wearing a cocktail dress with underwear with holes in it. The Tao of Jen is all style and no substance.

Once I was unemployed and didn’t have money, you can’t just go to dinner. The onus is on you to learn to cook… I learned how important the right equipment is.

Writing is something that I’ve always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.

You know how it’s almost impossible for kids to not say what they think? That’s me. I have to make the conscious effort to be situationally appropriate.

You can’t all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It’s bit by bit by bit.

I just thank God my husband and I found each other before the advent of social media. I can’t imagine dating someone and seeing what they’re doing on their Facebook page. And people breaking up with each other over texts now? We had to break up with each other face to face back then.

If I were to run for president, then people would debate the pros and cons of what’s wrong with me in increasingly aggressive 140 character tweets and Facebook status updates, and, inevitably, everyone would end up fighting.

I’m very detail oriented. I think that’s why people enjoy my memoirs – because I tend to remember everything.

Plaid is always cute and always will be. But only on the bottom. At the top, it makes you look like a farmer.

We all know exactly what we love, and woe is you if you’re on the other side.

Now with social media, people essentially come into my living room, my virtual living room, and tell me everything that is wrong with me.

I learned to glitter the pumpkins for Halloween not because I went into it thinking, ‘I’m going to glitter some pumpkins!’ No. I bought all of these big, cold, slimy, disgusting pumpkins and tried to carve them, and it was gross, so I had to find something else to do with them. Glitter was life-changing.

Just as I got older, I think I’ve become more and more conservative.

I don’t want to limit myself as a writer. Tastes change, and I want to keep my eye on the future.

I hesitated before buying a Kindle. I wasn’t worried that the digital reader would ruin literature as we know it. Rather, my concern centered on using an electronic device in the bathtub.

I’ve always been able to cook Italian food. That’s in my blood because I’m half Sicilian.

If I had kids, I’d probably be way over-protective, researching everything they begged to see to make sure the content was appropriate.

Beauty pageants, you’re only judged once. Sorority rush, you have to go through 20 parties.

I realized I couldn’t have one foot in the fiction world and one foot in the nonfiction world, which is why ‘Here I Go Again’ is so not me. I didn’t graduate from high school in the ’90s, I never listened to metal music, and I don’t time travel.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I’m bossy or mean, but because I’m frustrated.

Humor’s an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable.

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

When it comes to matters of pro sports, politics or palate, disparate sides claim their party, team and cola to be superior.

After we were married, we were broke. Flat broke. Not only did we not have health insurance, we could barely keep a roof over our heads, let alone have the kind of coin to throw around on onesies and Pampers.

Unless ‘Wii Fit’ stops acting like a mean girl, it’s over between us forever.

Everyone who reads me is someone I’d like to hang out with.

I could manage my life so much better if an app could tell me exactly when my parcels will be delivered so I don’t spend the day under virtual house arrest.

There’s nothing fun about stuff like estate planning, getting mammograms, or talking to a guy about long term disability insurance, but do it anyway. Trust me, the stress of not having done the above is prematurely aging.

I am going to embarrass myself. I have accepted that fact, and that’s just how it’s going to be.

I think people tend to be very myopic and they don’t understand how their actions impact others.

I began writing fiction when I started running out of material in my own life.

I’m a humor writer, so I don’t always present myself in the best light.