Top 33 Tiffany Haddish Quotes

As far as ever wanting to give up, there have been a few times where I thought, ‘Man, am I even good enough to do this?’ Because people have said things to me like, ‘You’re too pretty. You shouldn’t do comedy. Go ahead and get pregnant by a rich guy and chill.’

When I pick my greens, right, I smile. I smile when I pick the greens, and when I wash the greens, I smile. Then when I cut them up, I smile. And then when I cook them, I smile. They call it joyful greens.

I wanna meet Meryl Streep, so she can be my mama. I want Meryl Streep to be my mom in a movie.

When I got emancipated from the foster care program and I became homeless, it was a struggle. I was working at an airline, and then I stopped to pursue comedy 110%.

I’m open to whatever God puts in front of me and makes my heart pitter patter.

Coming from where I came from, being a foster youth… like, living in all those different homes… I am glad I had those experiences because now, when I perform, I can come from a place of reality: I know how different people live.

I did this movie called ‘Their Eyes Were Watching God,’ and I was an extra, and it was a movie that Oprah was producing. She had walked by, and I was making all the other extras laugh, and she said, ‘You’re a very funny young lady.’ I was like, ‘Eeeee!’

I’m not afraid of any kind of job, I’m not afraid to play any kind of role, as long as it doesn’t compromise my morals.

I did tell the census man I was white, and I’m telling you, I started getting offers for the black American Express card in the mail.

I’ve always been outwardly personal. I’ve always been that chick. A lot of my friends be like, ‘TMI, Tiffany, TMI.’ I just feel like it’s important to share your experience on this Earth, because you never know who’s watching, who might be going through the same thing, who might feel devastated.

I’m so sleepy most of the time, but I guess it’s ’cause I’m constantly doing things and trying to move forward and set up for the master plan. The master plan is to be, like, little baby Oprah, with my own production company, maybe my own channel, inspire millions.

When I was younger, I barely talked. I was scared of people. I had to learn how to cultivate that confidence.

You’re the only one that’s in control of your emotions; you’re the only one that’s inside of you at all times. So control you however you want to. If you’re not happy, that’s your fault.

I love Groupon. I just got a pedicure because of Groupon, and it was the best pedicure ever. I’m going to write a review!

I surf. I would love to do a remake of ‘Gidget.’ It could be, like, black ‘Gidget.’

I’ve studied Charlie Chaplin for years. I’ve studied Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, all of them. I don’t play around. This is not a game.

I tried to join three gangs, and every single one gave me a different excuse, but it was pretty much along the lines of, ‘You’re too goofy. You’re too cute. You don’t fit in.’

Everybody in my life who is important to me is a star to me.

I’m not really into politics, but if I had my own country, I would make sure all my people were educated and figuring out what they love to do, and focusing on that.

I feel like a foster kid that’s been in the system for a long time, and then at 16, somebody adopted them and said, ‘You can go to college, and you ain’t got to pay no student loans.’ I feel happy. I feel accepted after all these years of blood, sweat, and tears.

In stand-up, you do need to be having fun up there, like Richard Pryor said, but you have to know yourself well, too… You start learning, and it’s like playing a piano. You know exactly what keys to stroke, ’cause really, with comedy, you’re, like, fiddling with people’s souls.

I think of comedy as my man: it’s the one thing I can always rely on that will keep me safe, keep me fed, put a roof over my head.

I do have esteem issues when it comes to reading and writing. I always feel kind of self-conscious about letting people read something that I wrote, because the last thing I wanna hear is, ‘You spelled everything wrong.’

Stop holding your truth; speak your truth. Be yourself. It’s the healthiest way to be.

I learned from Roger Rabbit that if you make people laugh, they’ll do anything for you – which is almost true.

When I go to auditions, I try to always make sure I go in prepared. I always think to myself, ‘I’m here to provide them with a service. They need me, and if they decide to hire me for this service, I’m going to give them the best they’ve ever paid for and if they don’t, they’re dumb.’ That’s on them.

I don’t mean to be so sensitive, but that’s just who I am. And I’m not afraid to admit it.

Every teacher that I’ve ever had, that I still remember their name, made me laugh. I feel like comedy is the best instrument to teach.

The last bag that I bought myself was a Madden Girl backpack that’s really cute. And it was on sale for $45! I’m probably going to be cheap with my money for a long time.

For any women trying to do comedy, I would suggest you do one thing every day towards your goal. First, you figure out what it is you want to accomplish. Don’t be afraid to set a new goal every day, but every single day, do one thing towards your goal, and you will achieve it.

Everybody the same: We all got problems. We all want to be loved. We all wanna be happy.

There’ve been times I felt like, ‘I don’t know if I want to do this.’ That maybe I should go back to school and become a special-education teacher. But I love entertaining.

When my people are dying, that’s when you gonna catch me protesting. I’m not gonna protest because somebody got offered not the amount of money they wanted to get offered. If you don’t like what they’re offering you, just no longer do business with them.