Words matter. These are the best Fran Lebowitz Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
Nothing succeeds like address.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
You’re only as good as your last haircut.
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.