Words matter. These are the best Pat Paulsen Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
As I’ve always said: The future lies ahead.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
If you’re old enough to be arrested, you’re old enough to carry a gun.
The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.
Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you’re walking down a street and you spot a moose?
I once told Tommy Smothers, ‘If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.’
I want to caucus in Iowa. I’ll caucus all over the state. I don’t caucus in California. You don’t caucus where you live. It doesn’t look good.
We’ve got to step up our conservation efforts before it’s too late. We’re not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I’m sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we’ve let it go.
So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
I will not claim I will solve all the world’s problems by myself. If I did, I’d have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.
I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn’t it?
I’d learned some things. I knew you weren’t supposed to hold a good wine at the top – the paper bag falls off.
I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, ‘You must be joking.’
People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, ‘Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?’
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
You have to understand, I can’t do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.
The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced – I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?
Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn’t get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
It’s tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
I think I’d make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.
I’ve been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its ‘saucy nuances.’
I don’t need adult supervision.
Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. ‘Hell yes,’ I said. ‘Great state. But I wouldn’t want to live there.’
Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?
