Words matter. These are the best W. C. Fields Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.
On the whole, I’d rather be in Philidelphia.
I like children – fried.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today – sell liquor or drink it.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
I drink therefore I am.
