Top 40 Maz Jobrani Quotes

I’ve basically grown up in America. Even if Iran were to change, I wouldn’t see myself moving there. That feeling exists for my mother and people of her generation. They say, ‘Hopefully, one day.’

I thought, ‘Oh, acting is going to be great – I get to play different parts.’ And then these auditions started coming up for terrorist, terrorist, terrorist, and I’m going, ‘Whoa, what’s this about?’

I’m not saying that I’m on some crusade to change people’s minds. I’m just doing what I do. I’m a comedian, I’m trying to be funny… I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, ‘Oh wow, these guys are just like us.’

Comedy can take you a lot further in getting your point across. People are entertained, and then, by being entertained, they get your point.

Humor is always important. There are people who help us deal with difficulty or hardship; from the concentration camps to the court jester, there was a need for humor. As long as these kinds of things exist, with repressive regimes, you need it to deal with the weight of daily life.

I don’t consider myself an Iranian comedian; I consider myself a comedian who happens to be of Iranian descent.

I grew up in Northern California – Marin County, Tiburon. And it’s interesting. It’s a very rich place, but a lot of the affluent people are – they’re not as showy. So, like, they might have, like, a Saab or a Volvo. And then here comes my dad from Iran. He buys a Rolls-Royce.

I would say that while most Muslims take offense at the portrayal of the Prophet Muhammad in cartoons, they would never resort to violence. It is a minority of extremist Muslims who take such actions, and they do it for political and tactical reasons far beyond just being offended.

The number one thing I’ve heard Trump supporters say – number one thing – ‘I love him because he says what’s on his mind. He just says what’s on his mind.’ He just says what’s on his mind. You go, ‘What are your thoughts on his policies?’ ‘I don’t know about his policies. He just says what’s on his mind.’

I’ve sold shows based on my standup twice to CBS, but they’ve never gone past the script stage. TV is very competitive.

You have to laugh at yourself. I do a lot of humor about all ethnicities that are at the show – Latinos, Asians, Indians… What I say is, ‘We’re laughing together. I’m laughing with you, not at you.’ Never say, ‘Oh, I’m better than you.’

I am a standup comedian who has performed comedy in the Middle East in front of thousands of Muslims. And believe it or not, they laughed at plenty, especially when we poked fun at local culture. The Lebanese loved it when you would make fun of their driving and how, in Lebanon, a red light is just a suggestion to stop.

Trump doesn’t go a day without worrying me. It seems like every day there’s something new.

I was in awe of my father. His generosity was beyond anything I ever could imagine. The reason I say he’s like Don Corleone is he was always breaking off hundreds. I’d be like, ‘Hey Dad, I’m going to McDonald’s with my friends,’ and he’d just whip out a hundred: ‘Here, go, have fun.’

I’ve always had a foot in everything. As a kid, I was active in sports and theater. Now, I’m learning I have to focus a bit. I’m trying to get to next projects, like writing a screenplay. Once that comes together, I could put my mind to another book – maybe a fun kids’ book.

I’ve had people come up to me after the show and say, ‘Why did you not make fun of Pakistan?’ People are actually upset you didn’t talk about them.

I think it’s time that we had a dad of Middle Eastern descent on TV. The time is ripe for the Middle Eastern ‘Cosby Show.’ Or, as I like to call it, ‘The Mazby Show.’

Follow your heart. Do what you love. Because I was constantly struggling with that. If it’s in your heart, go for it. Don’t listen to other people.

I think it’s funny that nobody wants to be liked by Washington. All the politicians go, ‘I don’t like Washington. They don’t like me.’ I always find it funny that people are trying to distance themselves from Washington as much as they can, even though they’re all in Washington.

Here’s my advice to my brown friends: The next time you’re on an airplane in the U.S., just speak your mother tongue. That way, no one knows what you’re saying. Life goes on.

I saw the discrimination that was happening towards Middle Easterners, Muslims and other brown people who had nothing to do with 9/11. It suddenly felt like a duty of mine to talk about some of the crazy things that were going on and make fun of how stupid it was.

People think just because I’m from the Middle East, I’m an expert on the Middle East. So, like, I got a friend, like, any time the gas prices go up, he’ll always ask my opinion about it.

I want to show another side of Middle Easterners. My hope is that I would be able to play a variety of parts, and not always be the guy with the accent.

I meet a lot of people when I do stand-up in the Middle East, and I don’t know any terrorists, yet on TV and in the movies, 9 out of 10 are depicted as terrorists.

As a Middle Eastern male, I know there’s certain things I’m not supposed to say on an airplane in the U.S., right? I’m not supposed to be walking down the aisle, and be like, ‘Hi, Jack.’ That’s not cool. Even if I’m there with my friend named Jack, I say, ‘Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack.’ Never ‘Hi, Jack.’

Racism has always existed, and a big part of it is people just not knowing others. I think humans change other human’s minds, and it’s hard for someone in the middle of America to hate Syrian refugees if they’ve been able to befriend them.

One of the jobs of comedy is to expose hypocrisy. When you look at countries like Iran or North Korea that don’t have freedom of speech, we who do should push it as far as we need to.

I played Li’l Abner and Batman in school plays; I wanted to be an actor to play all these different characters.

The first acting part I ever got was a guest spot on ‘Chicago Hope’ playing a security guard. I thought, ‘Oh, this is going to be cool.’ But a little bit later, I got a vague part on this short-lived show called ‘Marshall Law’ with Arsenio Hall and Sammo Hung. It was a poor man’s ‘Rush Hour.’

I remembered, like, when ‘Not When My Daughter’ came out, I’m serious, I think dating for Iranian men became a lot harder. Dude’s name, Shahrokh – became Tony. Mehsud became Mike.

Definitely in the West, we’re all cast as the same now. Whether you’re Indian, Pakistani, Arab, Iranian, Afghan or whatever, you just get thrown into this category. And nine times out of 10, you’re depicted as bad.

Anyone who’s gotten their passport in America will tell you, when you get it, it still says what country you were born in. So I remember getting my American passport. I was like, ‘Woo-hoo! I’m going to travel.’ And I opened it up. It said, ‘Born in Iran.’ I’m like, ‘Oh, come on, man!’

If you come from a place of love, and you’re not saying, ‘I’m better than you,’ that’s one thing that allows you to talk about different ethnicities. It’s almost like laughing with each other.

My mom was like, ‘Get your law degree first, become a lawyer, and then you can tell jokes on the weekends. You can be a lawyer and just throw jokes into your presentations.’ Now she’s like, ‘Listen, you need to come up with new material.’ All of a sudden, my mom’s a critic.

Part of what’s great about America, and Canada as well, is that we can talk about our political leaders in public.

Unlike the U.S., Iran has no problems with low-voter turnout in elections; the last time, the government got the support of 110 per cent of the population.

My parents come from that immigrant culture that places a lot of emphasis on doing well scholastically. Being a comedian or an actor is such an American thing. The Iranian culture is not about dreaming. It’s about taking over your father’s business, falling into line.

The fact is, the Middle East has been going crazy for 50, 60, 70 years. So it’s not like, ‘Oh, I need an ISIS joke.’

Coming from an immigrant background, where a lot of parents don’t want their kids to be comedians, success was just showing my mom that I could make a living. I was like, if I can get my mom off my back, that was my success.

You know the Middle East is going crazy when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.