Top 40 Sarah Silverman Quotes

Well, I’m not afraid to say something if I think it’s funny, even if it’s harsh or racist.

I don’t really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically.

I still have highs and lows, maybe I don’t cry salty tears as much.

I remember when I got a part on ‘Seinfeld’ it was like an out of body experience, I was so excited.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I’d quit school he’d pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

I tend to be more arrogant on stage. Far more ignorant. I sometimes say what I think and sometimes say the opposite of what I think and the lines get blurred, but I can only hope that some kind of absolute power transcends.

I had a lot of depression as a kid.

You’re supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

What are the chances there is a God, really?

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It’s funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I’m not religious at all. I have no religion.

I can’t believe how much time has passed. The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I’m 41, and I still feel like I haven’t found myself onstage.

I was always the class clown; I made my family laugh, and that was when I was always happiest. I grew up listening to stand-up comedians’ albums and watching them on TV, on ‘The Tonight Show’ and Letterman.

I do love the idea of ritual. I’m a very ritualistic person. I have to wash my face twice, and on the second wash before I rinse, I brush my teeth, then I rinse, then I floss, then I put on moisturizer. I’m ritualistic. Jewishness is very ritualistic.

You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you’re instructed to make people laugh and please them, you’re too resentful to do it.

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.

I’m doing a lot of stand-up, but not like when you’re living in New York and you can do three sets a night and it’s your life, and you sleep all day and you wake up and you eat with a bunch of other comics and then get ready for the night.

I’m always writing; I’m always jotting things down on paper or making notes in my iPhone. Then I’ll make myself sit down and kind of shape it up, but there’s really no other way to practice other than onstage.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you’re not funny, then you’re probably not funny.

It fills me with a weird rage to wear shoes that make me not able to walk easily or run if I had to. It feeds into this whole ‘war on women’ thing in my head.

Men like to squash you. I just want someone who’s happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn’t have to squash mine.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.

Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now.

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn’t. It focuses on facts.

I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t ultimately start judging you and your choices.

My growing up years, we watched ‘Happy Days,’ every night. I don’t know what was reruns and what was new.

You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.

The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it’s funny enough.

I started out in clubs, and I’ve always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.

Traditionally, I have no right to talk about race. I’m white; I didn’t grow up in an all-black neighborhood. But the license I see for myself is I’m a member of the world.

I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It’s too subjective. It’s for other people to defend or not defend.

I have no religion, but I can’t escape being extremely Jewish ethnically – that is, culturally. In other words, I’m not religious, but I worry and I’m neurotic. And I’m very good with money.

It shows the truth – that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.

Jews, black people – any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people – use humour. It is a survival skill.

Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is ‘Sleepers,’ so I wasn’t really taken to children’s movies.

They’ve got great parents; I’m just trying to be the fun uncle.

I never defend my material. Comedy is subjective.