Top 44 Letterman Quotes

When I was younger, I was emulating David Letterman. David Letterman would yell out of his office window with a megaphone, and the next thing I’m doing is standing on the roof of a parking garage with a megaphone.

I watch Jay. I watch ‘Letterman’. I flip back and forth between ‘Conan’ and ‘Letterman’, especially the top of the show for those guys.

You don’t just win an Oscar because you’re a great actor. You campaign for that Oscar: you engage with it; you go on the David Letterman show, and you do the interviews, and that’s how you get out there.

I went on the ‘Letterman’ show the first time to plug something, and then I came back as the Fool, the court jester.

I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me.

I remember seeing Letterman do stand-up on ‘The Tonight Show.’ Or, it’s probably more accurate to say, I remember hearing him do stand-up, because the Carson show existed mainly as sound leaking under my bedroom door at night. I’d hear Johnny telling jokes and my dad laughing at them.

I always knew that it was going to be an uphill climb to replace Letterman from complete obscurity with no experience, but I think I had to go through it to know exactly what a titanic effort that was going to be.

Lenny Bruce did clean TV. You have to be able to do that, I think, to succeed because if you want to promote something, you go on ‘The Tonight Show’ or ‘Letterman’ or whatever, you can’t be dirty.

Yeah, I had a talk show canceled. Okay, let’s go back to the list of people who had talk shows canceled. Johnny Carson had his first talk show canceled. Jon Stewart. Letterman. Conan O’Brien, if you look at ‘The Tonight Show’ as a show that got canceled.

In that sense, when a Bush or a Gore, or whomever, goes on David Letterman, that’s the news, too.

I was always the class clown; I made my family laugh, and that was when I was always happiest. I grew up listening to stand-up comedians’ albums and watching them on TV, on ‘The Tonight Show’ and Letterman.

My manager’s biggest dream is for me to be on Letterman. She says, ‘Oh, Maggie, will you promise me you’ll be on ‘Letterman?’ What can I say? I just tell her I can’t promise, but I’ll try my best.

I refused David Letterman’s proposal of marriage for obvious reasons, but thanks for asking.

David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.

Watching Madonna puffing on a cigar on David Letterman’s show, I thought, ‘Gosh, she’s feeling so India! All she needs is long, black hair and a trip to the Caribbean to burn her skin up.’

Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people – I know guys who are great comics, who’ve done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it’s daytime.

I’ve been on Letterman a couple of times. I’ve been on Leno more than a couple times, and now Letterman hates me because I’ve been on Leno more than him. They’re very jealous of one another, as you know.

My turn on ‘Letterman’ turned out to be a blast. The audience were delightful, and they lapped up my silly Kiwi humour. Even the big man himself came over to shake my hand after my set.

From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work, which was in a couple of Broadway theaters, to Howard Stern’s studio, and to 30 Rock for ‘Letterman’ and ‘SNL.’ Even in New York, walking to work is homey and folksy, like living in a small town.

I have a great career, and no matter what I am doing, a big blockbuster movie… or my small documentary, David Letterman will call and say I would like you to sit on my couch.

The most nerve-wracking experience is an oral presentation in class. And right under that would be doing ‘Saturday Night Live’ or ‘David Letterman.’ One of those shows.

You know how old I am? I’m so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That’s how old I am.

When I was 15 I did birdcalls on the David Letterman show, but I have since burned all video evidence of this.

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I’d get back to the hotel, and it was Carson and Letterman, and I looked forward to that all day.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

David Letterman used to say, ‘I wasn’t the class clown, but I wrote for him,’ and that’s exactly it. You want to be known to be funny without having it pointed out.

I’d like to see David Letterman adopt the inclusion rider on his Netflix show.

I’m a big Letterman fan.

CBS is proud to have been the home of David Letterman since 1993. He is truly one of the great talents of our time, and we hope things work out.

I record the following shows on a daily basis and watch them when I have the time/inclination: ‘The Daily Show,’ Rachel Maddow, ‘Hardball,’ ‘The Colbert Report,’ ‘The O’Reilly Factor,’ David Letterman.

Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.

Baseball may be our national pastime, but the age-old tradition of taking a swing at Congress is a sport with even deeper historical roots in the American experience. Since the founding of our country, citizens from Ben Franklin to David Letterman have made fun of their elected officials.

I’ve never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.

I’ve been obsessed with David Letterman forever, and I’d love to be the drag version of David Letterman.

When I was growing up, I wanted to do Letterman and I loved that live, in-studio model. I still would do something like that.

When I was a freshman in high school, I got a letterman jacket, which you’d think would be great stock. The jacket had the big S on it, for Santa Monica. But rather than having a football or a baseball on the S, I had a little nine iron. Girls thought it was a flute.

It’s not like the old competition that you had between Leno and Letterman. It’s a friendly competition between Fallon and Stephen.

I would be so mad if I saw something called a memoir, and then it was Mike Birbiglia. It would be so infuriating. It’s like, ‘Who is this guy, and why does he have a memoir?’ David Letterman could write a memoir. Joan Rivers could. I’m just a nobody. I’m a comedian and a writer.

There’s nobody telling Oprah what to do. There’s no one telling David Letterman what he can and can’t do. You’ve got to have 100 percent support from everybody who’s behind the show, across the board.

I may have been on the cover of People and gone on ‘David Letterman’ and ‘Arsenio Hall’ because they had young audiences I wanted to talk to. But at the same time, I always did serious books or taught seminars.

You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24.

Going on Letterman is like going off the high dive. It’s exhilarating, but after a while it wasn’t the kind of thrill I enjoyed.

I feel good about being able to take bluegrass on to television like ‘Letterman’ and ‘The View,’ and I’ve heard nice things about being able to do that. I really haven’t felt any negativity toward me or my music.