Top 50 Amy Sedaris Quotes

I think it’s still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you’re supposed to ‘be’ this person, you know? So then its like, if I’m really this person, how can I be in the moment if I know there’s just one line I’m supposed to say? It doesn’t feel natural. I always just kind of want to say whatever comes up.

I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you’re stupid.

It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren’t really that high.

My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.

I’m drawn to people who look different. I’m not exploiting. I’m not making fun of them. I’m drawn to them.

I’d rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That’s perfect for me.

Usually I’m the one asking somebody to do something because I don’t know how to finish it. I’m like, ‘Do this for me’ because I’m just resistant to learning.

I wasn’t a cliquey person, and I think that’s because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn’t like.

Books are challenging and inspirational to me.

You think in a different way when you don’t have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.

I like to entertain in all aspects. When you’re with somebody and you’re out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they’re bored, and you’re in a convalescent home, there’s something entertaining about that, in a way.

I stayed in New York City for the first time, I’d always wanted to do that.

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.

I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.

I’m not ambitious.

I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.

I have a couple freeloader friends, but it’s okay. I know they’re gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.

I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it’s this new arts channel, it’s really great.

I like working with the public, and I like that it’s really hard work.

My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.

But I always like to play ugly people who think they’re pretty.

I have always wanted a bunny and I’ll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.

If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.

Don’t make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you’re really good, or it’s going to be really practical. If it’s a little thing you think is cute ’cause you made it, just forget it.

I really don’t like going out. I don’t like restaurants because I don’t like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I’ve always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.

I always find something to keep me busy.

People that know me know that I cook. I cook every night.

I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it’s different when you’re sitting down and writing it out.

I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someone’s yard on the way home from school, I would go to the end of the block and turn.

More men than women like ‘Strangers With Candy’. Pretty girls don’t like the show. They don’t like to see an ugly lady.

I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn’t be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school.

I’m not a first-place person.

A lot of crafters, they’re shut-ins.

I swear I want to be a food model.

I’m gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color – it’s an old lady color.

You know when you watch old movies, it’s always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.

I always knew I didn’t want kids, and I didn’t want to get married.

I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the ’50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays – the new stuff just looks too good.

I have no desire to carry a movie.

I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love.

I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.

I am an aging Girl Scout.

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.

I just like to have the ideas. Other people can help see them through.

People always think I’m Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.

I like to play unattractive people who think they’re pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.

I live in the moment.

I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they’re attractive.