Top 55 Iliza Shlesinger Quotes

At the end of the day, all there is is making yourself happy.

I get my strength from wanting to teach other women that everything about you is OK, and you shouldn’t take any crap from anyone.

I want girls to know that whatever you’re feeling, I’m feeling too. All the things that you think make you crazy, it’s OK to feel that way, and I’m gonna tell you why we feel that way.

I’m going to die unhappy. That’s how artists roll!

When all my girlfriends were watching ‘ER,’ I was watching episodes of ‘Kids in the Hall.’

I believe in choosing your words very carefully. It’s funny: I’ll get comments like, ‘Oh I love you. You don’t care; you have no filter.’ On the contrary, I absolutely have a filter, because I understand decorum, and my objective is not to upset people.

The women who are pool waitresses are another worldly species. They’re half-desert lizards. They never have sunburns.

A lot of comedians are really funny onstage, but they can’t do a podcast.

I didn’t get an agent until after ‘Last Comic Standing’ – of course, getting on a show like that will get you attention.

I’ve built a career on evenly entertaining men and women. And I’m kind of known for not making either side feel bad.

I believe in always having a lot of irons in the fire.

I think more than anything, as a comedian, I grow tired of the unoriginality of ‘crazy cat lady’ jokes. It’s a hacky joke based on an already-played-out stereotype.

I think people have to understand that ’empowering’ for women doesn’t mean negating men.

I’m pale, and people need to accept that I’m almost see-through.

There’s a way to express femininity and independence and strength without going for hanging fruit.

Getting on stage and screaming at all Republicans does nothing more than isolate people.

I think a big part of feminism – and this is something I’m sure a bunch of women will take my head off for – but a big part of feminism is women allowing other women to just be the kind of women that they are.

My mother always told me that you should have one room in your house where you celebrate all of your achievements. You shouldn’t have them spread throughout.

At a certain point, I had so much artwork that I decided to respect the art and present them in a nice way, not just on a dusty shelf.

There should be an F.A.A. fine for those who bring hot food that emits odor onto the plane. You’re deemed selfish, and you have to take some sort of social awareness class.

I prefer social politics to politics.

I would tell my 23-year-old self to be friends with more comics.

I drink Peet’s Coffee, and they’re a very authentic company. They don’t try to be something that they’re not, and I think that’s reflective in my comedy as well.

I think that it’s an easy thing to say, that whenever women do stand up, that ‘Oh, they must hate men’ – and I’m like, ‘Well, if you listen carefully, it’s actually a lovely tutorial that I wouldn’t give to men unless I cared.’

There was a sketch group at Emerson, and if you could believe it, we were the cool kids. That’s how Emerson rolls. I was a film major, but I spent most of my time doing that.

Everybody has their cross to bear, and everybody has their issues. But it still never once occurred to me that I’m not as good as everyone else. And that’s a gift I wish I could give to every girl.

I was frustrated in general with the way women are always portrayed. And it’s always through a man’s eyes.

I have the comedic chops and intelligence to raise points and discuss both sides of whatever is on our mind as a society.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a society where you can say whatever you want, and there will be no repercussions. Pick and choose your battles. I think that’s the key.

It’s always nice to be paid to be in Las Vegas.

I love getting insight into what makes actors tick.

I’ve had girls that kissed me on the cheek. People get so pumped, and so excited, they don’t see you as a person. Which is fair. Sometimes, I don’t see people as people. But at the end of the day, you can’t put your hands on me unless I hug you first.

I’m always looking for bigger audiences and bigger stages. Really, however I can reach my fans is what will make me happy – well, I’ll actually probably never be happy.

Whether it be the gym or telling a guy to stop mistreating me or getting through school with a C+ average but making people think I’m much smarter… it’s all about strength and how you wear it.

I firmly believe in standing by what you are. I was never taught to dim my light to pacify other people.

Like any other creative person, I would make home videos, and I would make sketches with my friends, and I would make my own movies, so I have some love for the creative process.

Most women have jobs that require them to leave the house. A cat is actually a perfect pet. You get the love and companionship of a creature covered in fur, and you don’t have to take it for a walk, and it can feed itself. Less maintenance. Surely any man can appreciate the practicality of this choice.

I’m not winning any modeling awards, I’m not a Rhodes Scholar, but I genuinely feel that if you’re taking time out of your day and your energy to comment on my art, then I got your attention.

I think we’re very quick to rip other women apart when they don’t fit our mold, which, quite frankly, is just as bad as a man tearing you down for something, if not worse.

Always be nice to the front desk staff because they can choose to make your life a living hell, and they’ll remember you.

I don’t know what it’s like to be mocked because of your skin color. I don’t know what it’s like to feel overweight. All I can do as a woman is have compassion, treat other women with kindness, and allow them to just be happy and not judge them for it.

I think part of being Jewish is that innate desire to question things. Rabbis sit around all day and question the Torah. Giving yourself the room to question things, in a religion, just breeds thinking.

When I started my career, I started with black comics: Bruce Bruce, Mark Curry, Bill Bellamy. It takes all kinds of influences.

I remember playing a college in Michigan, and they all held up their hand to show me where they live, which made me wonder what weird alien cult I had entered.

My passion in life isn’t politics. It truly is connecting to people and women.

What keeps me going is that this I all there is. I am a comedian, and this is what I do. It’s like telling a fish to stop swimming. It’ll die.

I’ve never been a dirty comic.

If you think you’re good enough, then you find it preposterous when somebody doesn’t acknowledge that… That’s propelled me in many ways – maybe thinking I deserve things that I don’t at some time. But I’m always willing to put in the work.

It’s never occurred to me – and I don’t know what right mixture of upbringing this was – that my opinion wasn’t as important as the alpha males or that I shouldn’t try or that I wasn’t the funniest one in the room.

I don’t think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing. No one leaves Vegas, like, ‘I didn’t make one mistake. That felt great. Back to work.’

I really respect my craft and obligation to my audience.

There’s no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself… and maybe airlines.

I’m really good at saying what other people are thinking and making it relatable.

If a guy is just genuine and honest, girls gravitate towards that, and girls love it when you open up.

I got a job as a coat check girl at a nightclub – this was in my first few months of being in L.A.