There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour – people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them – but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.
You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.
My mother, who died aged 82, had Alzheimer’s. Losing your memory is bad enough, but everything shuts down. You can’t remember how to eat or go to the toilet. It’s a terrible disease and so distressing to watch it take over someone you love.
Rightly or wrongly, the Victorian considered that there were certain subjects which were not meet for inter-sexual discussion, just as they held that certain processes of the feminine toilet, like the powdering of the nose and the application of lipstick to the mouth, were (if done at all) better done in private.
It used to be that comic strips were the big thing, and comic books were toilet paper.
I was born in a house without a light or a toilet, so why would I forget who I am or where I come from?
Save the Children is also working to improve accommodation for refugee families living outside settlements. I met a family which had been living in a substandard building without windows, doors or a toilet.
I was never the class clown or put on shows at home. I never thought of acting as something I could do with my life. When I was a kid, I used to run around wrapped in toilet paper so I could be the Mummy. But that wasn’t a sign that I was dreaming of being an actor. I was just an odd child.
I have always had a ridiculous fear that I will walk into the bathroom one morning and find a python in my toilet.
If you’re embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don’t forget the toilet paper.
And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write – every day, no excuses. It’s so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they’d rather clean the toilet than do the writing.
The only reason I’d bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper.
Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.
I could never plan to have a career that went this well… you know, there were times when it didn’t: when it went into the toilet, or ducked, or was difficult to get moving.
I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.
My most vivid memory – it’s actually one of my first memories – I was three, and I was the youngest angel in the show production. And I remember being absolutely desperate for the toilet. I needed to wee really badly. So I was crossing my legs when I was walking down.
I love ‘Sky Whale!’ I play it in bed, I play it in church, I even play it on the toilet!
When you go to jail, there’s so much simple stuff missing. You just want some good toilet paper or a real toothbrush, a real blanket and a real bed to lay in.
Being on the toilet stool is the grossest thing there is, to me.
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet – it was a marriage of convenience!
Modi says he built 850,000 toilets in Bihar one week. That’s roughly 1.5 toilets per second. We can’t even go to the toilet in that much time.
I grew up in a world with my father where you learnt to iron, you learnt to cook, you learnt how to clean the toilet… I want my children to be the same… I want them to be anywhere in the world and be able to cope.
Only in the nineteenth century, with the improvements to the water supply forced by the fear of cholera, and with the building of underground sewers, did the flushing toilet finally take its place in most homes.
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
The Pacific is the best toilet for satellites.
In our skulls, we carry around 3 pounds of slimy, wet, greyish tissue, corrugated like crumpled toilet paper. You wouldn’t think, to look at the unappetizing lump, that it was some of the most powerful stuff in the known universe.
Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.
You learn a lot about people when you’re sitting on their bathroom floor or on their toilet seat, rifling through their stuff.
I don’t think many people understand what racism is. The intellectuals use it like toilet paper; it’s something they can use. It’s not something they live.
Even if my job for the day is cleaning the vents or fixing the toilet, it still feels good to be a part of the space program and advancing exploration.
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought… I must put a roof on this toilet.
We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we’d go and flush it.
It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.
In the period where I had to live the life of a citizen – a life where, like everybody else, I did tons of laundry and cleaned toilet bowls, changed hundreds of diapers and nursed children – I learned a lot.
No innovation in the past 200 years has done more to save lives and improve health than the sanitation revolution triggered by invention of the toilet. But it did not go far enough. It only reached one-third of the world.
In my childhood, we had only one toilet. It was my dream then to have a good bathroom where you can have undisturbed bath.
The main part of the house is a deep red and I have butterscotch carpet. And I have a bathroom with leopard skin floor, wallpaper and toilet.
In Salford, we had fish in our tap water. I remember, one hot summer day, running to the toilet at playtime and dunking our heads in a sink full of water. I remember putting my head in and seeing all these little fish in it.
I married a man who isn’t afraid to wash a dish, scrub a toilet, or have his unibrow waxed into submission by a licensed professional.
I have no system of writing. It’s chaos. I could be upside down on my bedroom floor; I’ll be scribbling on a pad that I’ll then lose. I’ll be on the toilet with my laptop on, sitting in the pub with my iPad.
Here in the Netherlands there are towns that take part in the throwing of toilet bowls for a laugh.
In politics, you’re like a toilet seat: you’re up one day and down the next.
I am proud to say that I plastic-wrapped Bruno Ricci’s toilet in his trailer.
Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.
I’ve fixed the toilet. And I’ve been crawling in claustrophobic places… you have to deal with that when you become a homeowner.
My country is in the toilet. And when my country is in the toilet, the world is in the toilet.
In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.
After a life deprived of everything from romantic love to the choice of when to wake up in the morning, after 29 years without the ability to have a career or even to be alone at toilet, the Bijani sisters are not symbols but women who have had to live a shared life of constant, quotidian sacrifice.
It is not easy to calculate the cost of land to build individual or community toilet systems. But we need to account for it when we total up the true cost of sanitation.
Well, I don’t use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.
I’m the king of napping. I can nap and I snore. Then I wake up, go to the toilet, wash my face, have a coffee and it’s like a brand new day.
Rome is the capital of Europe; it’s as simple as that. You need to see what the Romans did 2,000 years ago. They were so advanced compared to the rest of the world. They showed us how to make roads, toilet seats, how to do irrigation, and more. When you see the Colosseum you won’t believe it was built so long ago.
There’s a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.
Working 90 hours a week is easily racked up when you’re self-employed and rely on portable tech to do your work; your train journeys, toilet breaks, leisurely walks, bedtime, can all become ‘working hours’. Reclaim them.
I really can’t be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that’s nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.
I enjoy ‘Murphy Brown,’ but I am shocked that people really like ‘Married… With Children.’ These shows are toilet humor, and none of them have good characters.
When I was 12, my mum put us in a summer camp meant for children from low-income families. It was in upstate New York where we had to live in tents, fetch water, cook our meals, and even dig our own toilet bowls.
I have a very silly sense of humor. I’ve never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
