Top 33 Nick Kroll Quotes

The height of my athletic achievement was in 8th grade when I was the point guard for my Jewish day school basketball team. We played in a public school league and, amazingly, went undefeated. I say ‘amazingly’ because our power forward was 5 ft. 6 in.

I guess there should be somewhere on the Internet that feels like a source of sacred truth. But Wikipedia sure isn’t it.

Anyone you give a ton of money to is going to go slightly crazy. I don’t think comedians are particularly special in that regard; they just are better or more vocal in their expressions of their craziness.

I usually need to read emails to actually wake up. I’ll read these and Twitter, and my brain will start to get going about what a narcissistic monster I am. I read on Twitter who is talking about me. I’ll also start making jokes for the day based on what I read on Twitter.

Doing radio commercials was how I was really able to leave my day job.

I feel incredibly lucky at this moment in my career to get paid to do basically exactly what I always wanted to do. I appreciate that in general. But you know, like any job, a job is a job, and there are days that are going to be boring, or you have a boss you don’t like, or people you work with.

Fantasy football has changed how I watch football because now every game is interesting start to finish. Even when its the Browns and Lions.

I wish I was a cool guy and could drink coffee black, but I put almond milk and raw cane sugar in it.

When I was a kid, I would do Andrew Dice Clay jokes for my siblings. Like, we’d be on vacation, and I’d just recite Andrew Dice Clay jokes. They seemed to think that was pretty funny. Then it evolved into ‘Wayne’s World.’

I would be psyched to get a phone call from Al Sharpton. I need to find out who does his hair. It’s beautiful. It’s a gorgeous mane.

I think a lot of podcasts have a lot of amazing character work. Seth Morris does this amazing character, Boch Duco, which I think is one of the funniest, most well-realized characters that I’ve ever seen or heard.

Meeting someone you admire, and then that person’s like, ‘I’m a fan of your work’ – it’s a really neat feeling.

I’m a good uncle, but I’m not a great caretaker. I feel oftentimes pretty selfish within the relationships I have with my siblings and, historically, with what I give back versus what I’ve taken over the years.

Whether it’s corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be a decent person doing it.

We all suffer in our own way; like, life is miserable. And I’m not, ‘Oh, I’m a stand-up who’s sad,’ but the reality is that just about everyone is quietly unhappy. I don’t think that pertains to comedians specifically. I think most people look at themselves in the mirror and are not happy with what they see.

My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.

An autograph is actually refreshing because everyone has cameras now and wants a selfie. That’s why I carry signed headshots with me, to give out.

I had a world theme at my Bar Mitzvah: each table was a different country. I had a miserable time. There was one picture of me, and I’m wearing a double-breasted suit. There were all these people having fun, and I’m just standing there. I look like a corporate lawyer who just found out he’s not making partner.

I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn’t work, you can’t force it to.

The one place I’ve seen something really come together is in editing. Sometimes you can save pieces in a way that you’re really shocked.

Even though ‘Kroll’ was a crazy sketch show with big characters, one of the things I’m proud of about the show is that the characters were always kind of coming from an emotionally honest place for whoever I thought that character was.

My friends, we all improvise together usually. So we write what I think is a good script but always leave a lot of room to find stuff on the day; and we always do find something. That’s the advantage to having actors who are, in their own right, writers.

Without realizing it, I think I’ve wanted to do a sketch show since I was, like, 11 years old. Like everybody else in comedy, I grew up watching ‘Saturday Night Live,’ and I was doing characters with my friends.

You have to have a first job to learn how to act, do interviews, pose for photo shoots, and negotiate how you’ll say lines with writers. My first network show, ‘Cavemen,’ just happened to be one that was culturally reviled.

Kashi looks like twigs, so it makes me feel like I’m healthy. This cereal has been with me since childhood. Once a year in my family, we had a junk food day. I could eat Cocoa Crisps and Fruit Loops. Now I’m back eating Kashi. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother has won.

I was never a western guy, but I happened upon ‘Tombstone’ one day on TV and was really sort of taken with it. It’s one of those movies that, if it’s on TV, I can’t turn it off. I just have to watch the whole thing.

My thinking is, if we’re setting out to make comedy in which nothing is off limits, then everybody is fair game.

I’m proud of the work that we did, and my hope is that everyone who worked on ‘Kroll Show,’ it will be a credit that people will be like, ‘Oh, you worked on that show? The word on that show was that it was good.’

In general in comedy, there are fewer people making a ton of money and a lot more people making a living. For me, the goal is just being able to make exactly the show I wanted to make.

I won’t share everything, both in my act or in interviews. Some of the people who become the most famous are the most self-revelatory, and I’m like, ‘No, it’s just not worth it to me.’

There’s just a feeling, when you’re just an actor – I have great admiration for people who are just actors. I don’t understand it, the idea of waiting to get cast, being at the whim of others. I find it incredibly powerless and frightening, so that’s why I’ve been constantly trying to create my own content.

I did, like, one or two plays in high school, but I don’t think I realized I wanted to do comedy until I got to college, and I started doing improv and saw the Upright Citizens Brigade perform and did workshops with them.

I do a lot of eavesdropping. That’s one of the things I miss about New York: just checking people out.