Words matter. These are the best Jeff Foxworthy Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That’s the guys I’d rather go talk to. I’d rather take my act outside the church.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
I really don’t require a whole lot in life.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
It’s a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
It’s hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That’s always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
The designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn’t go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn’t tell their therapist.
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.
Between New York and LA, there’s 200 million people that aren’t hip, and they don’t want to be hip.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Little girls love dolls. They just don’t love doll clothes. We’ve got four thousand dolls and ain’t one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
That’s the great thing about a tractor. You can’t really hear the phone ring.
Country music is about new love and it’s about old love.
You may be a redneck if… your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
I don’t know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan’s Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers… I don’t remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, ’cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that’s a bonus, and if you don’t, you still won’t hate going to work.
I love comedy. God has given me this platform.
If men have a smell it’s usually an accident.
My grandma’s the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she’s doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
