Top 55 John Pinette Quotes

I have no problem joking about who I am.

I watch a lot of CNN and the Food Network. Now, I’m learning how to cook healthy – when I was a kid low-fat was a Chinese gangster.

You see, I’ve always had this thing in that I love to make people laugh, I want to entertain people.

I’d done the movie ‘The Punisher,’ and Travolta was in that, though we didn’t have scenes together. We met at the premiere and he’s a very nice man.

You go out, you order a steak. What do they do? They bring you a salad. They don’t even charge you anything for it, cause it ain’t worth anything, cause it ain’t food!

I guest-starred on ‘Alf.’ I played a stand-up comic Howie Anderson.

I do a lot of dialects in my act, including Irish, because I grew up in a neighbourhood that was predominantly Irish and Italian.

Let’s face it, it’s a skinny world out there.

When I really want to get healthy people don’t believe me.

My philosophy in life is just to laugh as much as possible through the good and the bad – to laugh at the tragedies as well as the triumphs.

I’m one of the larger mammals. Everyone in my family was large, mom and dad, my two older sisters. If you meet a skinny person in my family, you say, ‘And you are married to who?’

It’s a cliche, but my comedy is all about life.

The best way to become a better stand-up guy is to take a break from it and do other things.

I have a tendency to be larger than life.

Ron White is pretty great at what he does.

Larger people do not get a lot to play in the theater.

I take some ungodly pantyhose size. You’ve heard of 2X or 3X. I’m something horrible, like a 47X.

I’ve been heavy my whole life. I’ve been up and down, and I can tell you that down is much better.

I talk about my life; it is the funniest thing I can think of.

I have no butt, none of the men in my family do.

It doesn’t seem like I write the material it seems like the material comes to me and I write it down.

I really am part whale. I want to do a movie like ‘The Incredible Mr. Limpet’ and join a family of whales.

I’m not a trained singer, I’m not a trained dancer.

I was a very bad accountant. I knew the book theory, but I didn’t have the heart for it. I did it for six months, and my job was to distract the auditors with jokes.

When I moved from Boston to L.A., I floundered. I definitely did time at the Improv and the Comedy Store, making 20 bucks a night. I learned how to be a starving comic. I was an in-debt comic: I ate well on loan.

Any kind of change in your life creates more material for me, because I say in my act ‘It ain’t comedy, it’s my life.’

I’m a big guy, but I don’t do ‘I’m so fat that… ‘ jokes.

If I was 120 pounds, I still ain’t going white-water rafting.

All I want to do is entertain. I want to get good laughs and I want to entertain.

People have been trained to believe that comedy is the five- and 10-minute segments that you see on TV. But in 10 minutes, you can’t really talk about yourself.

Being asked to be in the last episode of ‘Seinfeld’ is not something you pass on. It was a great honor.

I never dreamed that I would be part of a Broadway show.

I knew if I wanted to live past mid-life I would have to lose some weight.

All I’m really doing is talking about going on diets and… just about being a big guy. Why should that be any different from a comic that says, ‘I was an alcoholic,’ or, ‘I was in a bad relationship?’

Sometimes you do have to throw caution to the wind and you really have to not be afraid to suck.

At home, I have a healthy regular diet… But on the road, you find yourself at 11 o’clock at night, after a great show at a performing-arts center, and there’s nothing open but a pizza place.

I really don’t do fat jokes. I talk about the trials and tribulations of being a large mammal in America.

People have told me, ‘It’s part of your act, you’re big, it’s part of your persona.’ Well, as I’ve lost weight, my act has grown.

On the set, you do a movie shoot, you go, ‘OK, was that OK, how was that?’ You dont know, you’re not sure.

Just coming to L.A. to be a comic and an actor, it’s not the kindest world to come to. There’s a lot of rejection, which I’m not used to. I hate rejection, but it’s about 90 percent of the business.

I walk into a Home Depot and it’s like everything in there needs assembly. I start hyperventilating. I need the inhaler.

I was an accountant for six months, and for the last three, I didn’t do much work.

There’s a lot of life out there.

No matter what, I’ll never be tiny.

When you’re big to the point that you’re unhealthy, it’s like you see life through a window. You can look at everything going on, but now I can experience it.

A great deal of my comedy comes from the trials and tribulations of growing up a big kid in the Boston area.

I denied my comic thing there for awhile. I always made people laugh, but my family said that’s not the real world, I had to put on a suit and tie and be serious.

I snagged the biggest bandwagon in history. Just when the buffet stuff was running out, now I’m the ‘Seinfeld’ guy. Somebody up there likes me. That’s why I never worry. Something always comes up.

For some reason, people enjoy seeing me lose my cherub-like demeanor.

You can learn to be great, you really can. You’ve got to work all the time.

Hollywood has a lot of barriers set up for everyone. If you can live with it, and you can break through, then you’re going to do OK.

I want to talk about being a big guy… it’s not a fat joke. It’s a joke about living the way you live.

I worked at a mortgage company, and after I left, most of the office went to jail.

You know, working with puppets – there is just something about it. Because the puppet takes on its own personality.

I would describe my comedy as my skewed comic perception of life.