It’s funny how all of this has worked out – I wasn’t popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I’m throwing up.
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
I’m just a simple guy. I love being at my house with my family, I love playing dominos and card games and hunting and fishing. That’s just what I like to do.
I think of myself… as a troubadour, a village storyteller, the guy in the shadows of the campfire.
As far as this business of solitary confinement goes, the most important thing for survival is communication with someone, even if it’s only a wave or a wink, a tap on the wall, or to have a guy put his thumb up. It makes all the difference.
It’s one of those things: I would 100 percent pancake a guy and steal his soul over scoring a touchdown.
I did do a film that I refer to as ‘The Unpronounceable’ by a guy named Yvan Attal with Charlotte Gainsbourg. I had a bit part in there. That was quite fun, doing scenes in French.
I think working with Johnny Depp was very intimidating. It was my fault though. I mean he’s a total cool nice, nice guy, but I was just so, I don’t know, overpowered by his presence. Like he’s a very mystic person. He’s older so I never really warmed up around him. I was so stiff.
I’m proud to say I had a bet with a guy from Chicago who said Chicago is windier and colder than Wyoming. Wyoming dominated them.
If there are nine guys auditioning and they’re all gorgeous, I have an advantage, because gorgeous guys are a dime a dozen. But if they need someone else – like a goofy guy with bad hair who is just okay – then that’s me. And finally, the other 2 percent who audition are geniuses that I could never touch.
In my day, defenders played you with two hands and an elbow. You’re not getting by a guy, especially if he has an elbow and a hand on you and is a strong defensive player.
You play it the way you always play it. You look for matchups, and you go through your progression, and you throw it to the guy who’s most open.
I think I’m probably a monster-of-the-week guy, and that comes back down to my old favorite show, which as a kid was always ‘Scooby-Doo.’
When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
I always saw hurdles as a form of art, because it’s very individual. One technique that may produce a world record for one guy could be useless for another guy.
I am a very lucky guy. I can testify before Congress. I can raise funds. I can raise awareness.
I’m a drama guy.
When I play in the Super Bowl, the biggest stage we have, I have to give up the first touchdown. To make it worse, I’m running behind the guy, not next to him.
In Louisiana, you can drive when you’re 15 – you could get your driving permit. I remember, during driver’s ed, I fell asleep at the wheel one day. I was tired. The guy shook me and switched and said he was getting into the driver’s seat. I didn’t fail, so I guess you can fall asleep occasionally. It’s Louisiana.
I’m a low-key guy. So I like going to places and not being known. So it’s weird when people are saying, ‘Oh, it’s you.’
Reject cynicism. Reject certitude. And don’t be a jerk. Be a good guy.
Alan Cumming was such a fun guy to watch. I remember he has a song in the first ‘Spy Kids’ movie, and when Danny Elfman came to set, they were working on the song.
I’m not a big guy for research. You’ve got to take a risk.
I don’t want to do the nerdy, goofy guy again. That was really fitting for the ‘Napoleon’ world, but that’s kind of where I want it to stay.
I saw Richard Linklater’s film ‘Slacker’ for my twenty-first birthday. That was the moment when it all seemed possible. This guy gave me hope.
I’m an optimistic guy. I’m one of those big dreamers. I’m one of those kids with that annoying imagination.
Certain guys, they can see a guy do a certain thing with their glove and know what pitch is coming. I couldn’t do that. But I can get on first base and I can tell you by his move if that pitcher is going to first base or home plate every time.
Maybe I’m quicker. I can take the ball earlier than a big guy.
My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
To a lot of people, I might just be the guy who went No. 1 in the draft. Or the guy who lost his job to Colin Kaepernick. Or the guy who helped turn a 2-14 Chiefs team into a back-to-back division champ… but then couldn’t put them over the top.
I’m not painting myself as a down-home, modest guy.
My mother had introduced me to a lot of my father’s friends because she believed that I would get to know the guy my dad was better through his friends than just in the hospital visits.
I was a big party guy in my twenties, and kind of a playboy as well. I adopted a lot of values and goals that were fairly superficial and, in many cases, self-destructive. They looked cool and sounded sexy on the surface, but underneath, there was no real meaning going on, just a lot of escapism.
Take it from a guy: If you’re in love with somebody, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon. You’re going to get to her somehow, some way.
I liked Vittorio De Sica a lot, and I got to work with him once in a segment movie. He was a great director. He was a very charismatic character and a guy I watched a lot when he was directing.
None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back.
I always believe a woman should have 5 non-negotiables that she should stick to when attracting a mate. If the guy does not have these five major things – then she should not give the guy a chance as she’s wasting her time. The rest is up to the magic and wiggle room the universe gives.
I like guys, but I also identify as a guy – if that makes sense.
With my feelings, I hold a lot in, because I didn’t always have boundaries and people would take advantage of situations because I’m a nice guy.
I won’t date a guy who doesn’t own a toolbox. I’m not saying you need to be able to knock down a wall or build a house or anything like that. But I’ve been out with a couple of guys who didn’t own toolboxes, and they couldn’t even change a light bulb.
Presley is country music, white music. Jazz is black music – it was invented by the blacks in New Orleans. And I’m really a jazz singer. I was impressed with Elvis – he was the handsomest guy I ever met in my life, and a very nice person, too. But the music doesn’t impress me.
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. ‘Hey, man, what are you playing?’ ‘Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I’m performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!’
The crazy thing about me, man, I feel like I’m a normal guy. But, maybe I’m a little abnormal when it comes to talent or something.
When you make that choice of stepping out and facing the issue of disclosure, you do create this kind of self-imposed negative fear. It’s unfortunate it still happens today. ‘Do I step out and say I’m a gay guy?’ But you have got to do it and live your life on your terms and no one else’s terms.
I actually remember being in 3rd grade and piecing together in my head that one of my guy friends was homosexual.
I’m not the All-Star point guard that everybody’s dreaming about right now. I’m not that. I wish I was, but I’m a work in progress and I’m not scared to admit that. But what I am is a good citizen and a guy who’s not scared to put his neck on the line for his community or for his state. And I’m always going to do that.
I am the Crystal Palace DJ. I’m the guy who gets us going. I play the songs.
It’s not normal for a white guy to get corn rows; a lot of people judged me. I like the way it looks, so you have to be confident.
I never considered myself a fall guy. I know what I did. I know why I did it. I’m not ashamed of it.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’
My oldest son started to like ‘South Park’ and ‘Family Guy,’ so we’d watch together so I could spend time with him.
When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome.
I have heard nothing from my friends at The Family Guy. Yeah, I heard that they got picked up again and all that good stuff, but I haven’t heard anything yet. But, you know, I’m very elusive and hard to contact.
I used to picture myself as the old guy eating the Early Bird Specials in the mall.
It’s the journey of self, I guess. You start with this kind of loner, outside guy, which a lot of people can relate to, and he goes out into the world.
I can score the basketball, but I think I can pass pretty well or I can make the correct pass. I’m not the type of guy who’s just going to throw the ball inbounds to a guy who’s wide open. I can make the right pass.
