Words matter. These are the best Amy Chua Quotes, and they’re great for sharing with your friends.
I do think that maybe, even subconsciously, a lot of parents in the West are wondering, have we gone too far in the direction of coddling and protecting – you know, you see kids, sometimes that seem very rude and disrespectful. And the more important thing is they don’t seem that happy.
I think there are many ways to raise great kids. From what I can tell, Ayelet Waldman’s kids are interesting, strong, and happy, and if that’s the case, that’s good parenting.
We all want to do the right thing for our children. We all don’t know what that is and we all – you know, you won’t know until the future.
I say ‘I love you’ to my daughters every day.
When my children were young, I was very cocky. I thought I could maintain total control.
I’m a slave to my dogs and go out with them almost every day. They are poorly behaved if they don’t run. They really act up.
To be honest, I know that a lot of Asian parents are secretly shocked and horrified by many aspects of Western parenting.
Both of my girls have very high self-esteem because they were both able to master certain things; I should think that’s good for their confidence.
I was the one that in a very overconfident immigrant way thought I knew exactly how to raise my kids. My husband was much more typical. He had a lot of anxiety; he didn’t think he knew all the right choices. And, I was the one willing to put in the hours.
Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried to find the balance between the strict, traditional Chinese way I was raised, which I think can be too harsh, and what I see as a tendency in the West to be too permissive and indulgent. If I could do it all again, I would, with some adjustments.
I worry that by losing my temper so much and being so harsh and yelling so much that, by example, I will have taught my daughters to be that way, and I’m now constantly telling them not to do that.
I saw my parents come over. They were immigrants, they had no money. My dad wore the same pair of shoes, I had some ugly clothes growing up, and I never had any privileges. In some ways, I think the person that I am now, I think it’s good that I had that kind of tough upbringing.
Questioning authority is, I think, a great thing to instill in children. I just didn’t have enough of that when I was little.
The Chinese mom is not the helicopter mom. I would never do their homework for them. It’s all about: Take responsibility, don’t blame others. Be self-reliant. Never blame the teacher.
Oddly enough, I’m not a particularly judgmental person. I just don’t have a lot of filtering when I’m in ‘tiger mother’ mode. I say what comes into my head.
The Romans thought of themselves as the chosen people, yet they built the greatest army on Earth by recruiting warriors from any background.
I was raised by extremely strict – but also extremely loving – Chinese immigrant parents, and I had the most wonderful childhood! I remember laughing constantly with my parents – my dad is a real character and very funny. I certainly did wish they allowed to me do more things!
Happiness is not always through success. Equally, the constant pursuit of success is sure unhappiness. But we have to find the balance. My own thoughts are that parenting is very personal. And we all feel enormous insecurity about parenting. What are they going to think of us 20 years down the line?
I really feel that most things are difficult at the beginning and they become fun, something you love, only after you’ve worked at them. Making children do something hard can, in the long run, be a great parental service.
There’s something suspicious about saying, ‘I’m just going to leave my child alone and let her pursue her passions.’ You know what? I think most 13-year-olds’ passion is sitting in front of the TV, or doing Facebook, or surfing the Internet for hours.
I do not think there was anything abusive in my house. Yet, I stand by a lot of my critiques of Western parenting. I think there’s a lot of questions about how you instill true self-esteem.
Some people are just self-motivated – my husband was. I also believe there are many children for whom parental involvement is key.
In Chinese culture, it wouldn’t occur to kids to question or talk back to their parents. In American culture, kids in books, TV shows and movies constantly score points with their snappy back talk. Typically, it’s the parents who need to be taught a life lesson – by their children.
You can’t invent Google, Facebook or the iPod unless you’ve mastered the basics, are willing to put in long hours and can pick yourself up from the floor when life knocks you down the first 10 times.
Westerners often laud their children as ‘talented’ or ‘gifted’, while Asian parents highlight the importance of hard work. And in fact, research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform, even the way they feel about themselves.
Instilling a sense of self-discipline and focus when the kids are younger makes it so much easier by the time they get into high school.
I see my upbringing as a great success story. By disciplining me, my parents inculcated self-discipline. And by restricting my choices as a child, they gave me so many choices in my life as an adult. Because of what they did then, I get to do the work I love now.
What the Chinese parent is conveying to the child is not that ‘you’ve got to get A’s or else I won’t like you.’ On the contrary, it’s, ‘I believe in you so much, I know that you can be excellent.’
When my kids wanted to give up on things, I wouldn’t let them, and those are lifelong lessons.
Don’t assume your child is weak. If you, the parent, assume that they can’t take anymore, what kind of signal are you sending them?
I do play tennis, but I don’t really like competition. I’m supposed to be so intense, but I hate competition.
China is doing lots of things right. It’s investing in education and R&D, it’s opening up, it’s more cosmopolitan than it’s ever been. I think it’s very likely that China will continue to explode economically and certainly become a superpower.
You know, parenting is so personal. And we’re all afraid that we didn’t quite get it right. And it feels like the stakes are so high. By we – what if we made a mistake?
I sort of feel like people are not that honest about their own parenting. Take any teenage household; tell me there is not yelling and conflict.
China cannot pull in the best and brightest from all over the world. It’s an ethnically defined nation, the opposite of an immigrant nation. You don’t see a lot of American engineers trying to be Chinese citizens.
I think the biggest difference is that I’ve noticed Western parents seem much more concerned about their children’s psyches, their self-esteem, whereas tough immigrant parents assume strength rather than fragility in their children and therefore behave completely differently.
Once you get to the Enlightenment, the way that powers get to be hyperpowers isn’t just by conquest. It’s through commerce and innovation. Societies like the Dutch Republic and the United States used tolerance to become a magnet for enterprising immigrants.
I think if you’re a ‘tiger parent’ early on, you don’t need to be a ‘helicopter parent’ in high school.
I’m willing to be different than other parents and go against the mainstream.
The Chinese model calls for giving your kids very little choice – and I’ve come to see that you can go too far with that. On the other hand, I also believe that Western parents sometimes give their young kids too much choice.