Top 50 Last Night Quotes

You noticed from last night, we only did two from the 80s. And our set’s two hours long.

If I don’t write things down, good luck. I was talking to my mom last night. I take another call, tell her I’ll call right back, 10 minutes. Think I remembered?

It’s nice to know you have support. Last night I got a marriage proposal. I just laughed.

No Roman ever was able to say, ‘I dined last night with the Borgias’.

I made observations for three hours last night, and am almost ill today from fatigue; still I have worked all day, trying to reduce the places, and mean to work hard again tonight.

The health care reform legislation passed by the U.S. House of Representatives last night clearly violates the U.S. Constitution and infringes on each state’s sovereignty.

I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

The rain, which had continued yesterday and last night, ceased this morning. We then proceeded, and after passing two small islands about ten miles further, stopped for the night at Piper’s landing, opposite another island.

I read the book of Job last night, I don’t think God comes out well in it.

I first played the Royal Albert Hall when I was 14. I was a violinist with the Birmingham Schools Concert Orchestra, and we travelled down from the Midlands for the last night of the School Proms. We played some pieces from the Harry Potter films, and the violin parts were really hard.

Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.

I’ve done a great job at being universal in my stand-up, which is why, for ‘Let Me Explain,’ I toured all over the world. These movies I have coming out – ‘Ride Along,’ ‘Grudge Match,’ ‘About Last Night,’ ‘Think Like a Man Too’ – are putting me in a position to become universal on an even bigger scale.

We exist in this weirdly schizo culture, where sex is everywhere in the media, and yet, at the same time, you don’t sit down and have a conversation about what you did in bed last night with your friends. Despite the ubiquity of sex, it’s still a taboo when it comes to day-to-day conversation.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Last night, I had a telephone townhall for my constituents back in Vermont, and we had 11,500 people on it. And I had people on Social Security saying if getting fewer benefits will help us on the debt, they’re for it. And I had a farmer saying that he’s had subsidies for 35 years but we can’t afford them anymore.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

I had no money nor friends to prepare for the trial till last night.

Sometimes I’ll feel like an interview was fine or whatever, and people go, ‘Oh, boy, I saw you with so and so last night; that must have been tough.’ And then I’m like, ‘I guess it was bad. I need to look back at that.’

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.

Last night, two men tried to force my shutters. I recognized them: they are two of Rodin’s Italian models. He told them to kill me. I am in his way; he wants to get rid of me.

Actors are programmed to see the worst. If you’re talking about an actor’s TV series, you say, ‘I loved you last night.’ And they go, ‘What about the week before?’ They immediately worry.

Yesterday ended last night. Today is a brand-new day.

I heard someone in opposition to reform last night criticize the president for saying it’s their money. They said it’s not their money; it’s my mother’s money. Well that’s what’s wrong with the system.

When we were kids, if somebody said, ‘What did you watch last night?’ you would have said, ‘BBC Two,’ but now they’ll just say, ‘My mobile.’

The worst thing ever for me is go see a movie, and the next day I go, ‘What did I do last night? I have no memory of this $300 million movie I watched because I felt nothing.’

A clear cold morning with high wind: we caught in a trap a large gray wolf, and last night obtained in the same way a fox who had for some time infested the neighbourhood of the fort.

I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I was attending a Methodist Church youth retreat at the University of Southern Alabama. They held a talent show on the last night. I won, and then I made out with a 14-year-old girl from Prattville, Alabama.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how to watch things. But there’s what we lose in the bargain, which is the collective spectacle. ‘Did you see Jay Leno last night?’

I don’t go out that much anymore, unfortunately. I used to enjoy it, but I’m just so busy. Like last night, everybody else went out, and I just went straight home and went to bed.

There are a lot of things I can take, and a few that I can’t. What I can’t take is when my older brother, who’s everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don’t ever want to see that look in your eyes again.

We had high and boisterous winds last night and this morning: the Indians continue to purchase repairs with grain of different kinds.

There’s a very real possibility in this industry of going out and leading your life and then going home and being a voyeur of your own life. You can literally go watch yourself – where you went last night, what you did, what the things that people presuppose about you. It’s kind of crazy.

I can’t take days off and play like I did last night. Maybe some people can, but I can’t.

The relationship between ‘My Chemical Romance’ and Michael Pedicone is over. He was caught red-handed stealing from the band and confessed to police after our show last night in Auburn, Washington. We are heartbroken and sick to our stomachs over this entire situation.

You might not remember what you had for dinner last night, but you remember everything about one particular summer of your youth. It’s like that.

I was hanging out with Jonathan Richman last night.

I went to bed last night dreaming of tuna melts. I love food.

It’s so nice to run into people even now who – if I’m out, a couple of times a week, somebody comes up to me and says, ‘I just loved you in ’50 First Dates.’ That movie is my favorite movie. I just watched it last night.’ In my head, I’m always thinking, ‘You’re kidding me. I never watch anything twice.’

Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I’ve not seen!

The original ‘About Last Night’ was phenomenal.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, ‘I know you’re there, pick up, pick up.

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, ‘He wasn’t very funny last night’, then I’ve got nothing to complain about.

For everything I do, I think about a 6-year-old girl and her mom that I saw at my concert last night. I think about what those two individuals would think if I were at a club last night. I never want to be arrested, and I never want to get a DUI, those are my moral values.

I’m very proud of ‘Gavin and Stacey,’ but I think I have to write something else even to start to consider myself a writer. Just because you do something once, it doesn’t mean that’s who you are. I played football last night; it doesn’t mean I’m a footballer.

We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein’s soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly.

If you can live in Vegas, or visit Vegas, and leave in one piece, still loving it and somehow laughing about it, you should spend at least part of your last night in town doing something that will serve you well no matter where you go next: thank your lucky stars.