Some comics don’t like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I’m going to do.
I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it’s a defence mechanism.
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.
I am constantly the butt of jokes.
The best jokes resonate because they uncover ridiculousness in our daily lives, reveal the silliness – and sometimes sadness – of things we see every day.
Pixar make kids’ movies, but there are jokes in there for adults, and it never gets too sentimental.
Comedians get jokes offered to them, rock stars get women and underwear thrown onstage, and I get guys that want to take me fishing.
It’s the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.
The jokes I used to do on ‘Sex and the City’ were always comic character things, and they were rarely hard jokes. As soon as you go up in front of people, it demands laughter.
I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, ‘Good, don’t come.’ All the jokes about it feel out of date.
A civil servant doesn’t make jokes.
Most jokes state a bitter truth.
All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
But it’s fun to be something, have that, and you don’t have to be real. It’s like, comedians. They go on and they’re doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake.
I have never fully exorcised shames that struck me to the heart as a child except through written violence, shadowy caricature, and dark jokes.
I’ve actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking.
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn’t involve ourselves technically at all – we just messed about and told our jokes – and it looks a bit like that.
I tended toward animated material that wasn’t just for kids. I could tell as a kid watching those shows that I loved the jokes that I got but I also loved the jokes I didn’t get because I felt that I was hanging out with a smarter, cooler audience.
I think all art – even one as lowly as making jokes about celebrities – is there to make a connection.
I’ve liked being Jewish in America – there’s a secular version of Jewishness there that’s more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues.
I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.
I tell jokes, and I have fun, but I tend to worry about everybody and everything throughout the entire world.
I just do jokes about real situations, pure observation.
Nobody calls me a racist when I do redneck jokes. Jeff Foxworthy can do as many ‘You might be a redneck jokes’ as he wants, but I’m telling you as soon as a guy like that does a black joke or something – ‘How dare you!’ I totally think it’s unfair.
When I watch a comedy that’s just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss, you’re like, ‘Eh.’
My greatest regret as a writer is that I’ve never been able to include as many jokes as I’d like.
In any show, not everybody is completely with us on all the topics we talk about. We talk about Hindutva, and we talk about the problems with Islam also. If there are Muslims in the audience, laughing at the jokes on Hindutva, they will have to confront the jokes on Islam too.
I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don’t laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that’s not real laughter.
I’m Irish, so I’m messing all the time. Which means, I’m having a laugh. I’m always making jokes.
I adore jokes. They’re a theatrical contrivance, but the irony of all fiction is that you approach reality by avoiding it a bit; you spoof it a bit.
I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
One of the first jokes I wrote was this nail salon bit that ended up blowing up on YouTube. That’s kind of what propelled me into standup.
I think God loves to hear little kids laugh at fart jokes. He didn’t just make sunsets and bluebirds, He made hot babes. And dirty old men like me. That’s the modest message I’ve set out to tell the world: you don’t have to be Ned Flanders to be a Christian.
All my life, my immediate response to emotional pain has been to make jokes. Lots of jokes.
I do Twitter, but I’m still not great on it – I’m not good at writing short little jokes, so my Twitter’s not really a jokey thing.
I always was an early-morning or late-night writer. Early morning was my favorite; late night was because you had a deadline. And at four in the morning, you make up some of your most absurd jokes.
Most practical jokes, I’ll feel too bad for the other person so I’ll stop just before the punchline.
If you look at vaudeville in theaters vamping between acts, it was always jokes written and banter in the moment.
I try to write three jokes every day. I don’t sit down and write them, it’s just things that pop into my head. Then I’ll go watch it fail onstage that night.
I’m a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references.
I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke.
The reality about shooting films is that you can shoot many jokes and decide later which one works. So it’s not worth fighting about jokes.
If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
With stand-up, there’s a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.
I definitely am a performer, and there are different styles of stand-up; I mean, some people are writers and they get onstage to get jokes out, and that’s definitely not what I do. I like to just go up and, if I’m telling a story about someone, I’ll play his or her part.
My stand-up has always been very character-based. I’m not really the kind of person that’s like, ‘Hey, here’s what’s on my mind! Tip your waitress!’ I would create the jokes based on the character I was playing. It was always a performance-based thing for me.
Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.
I’m probably going to get in trouble for this but ‘American Dad’ is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.
I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd.
The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies – we all get that.
I like jokes, but Ray and I, we never did jokes. We weren’t in that line of humor. We each contributed our own kind of observations. I’m glad to have people look at and laugh at and respect and get some creative juice out of what we did by observing.
The reason most comedies don’t win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.
I never do a whole new set of new material. I do one new joke at a time, and I wedge it in between two good jokes. Or if it’s a long story, I don’t do it in L.A. or New York; I do it in Kansas and Omaha, all these places I’m going this weekend.
Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they’re really mean to each other about who makes what.
I don’t know why I get away with some things. But I’m not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you’re allowed to make jokes. I don’t want to live in some PC world where no-one’s allowed to say anything.
Nixon started auditing late-night show hosts because they were making jokes about him. Then, every single one of their staff got tax audits.
I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness.
They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch comedy, and you get all your local drug dealers, thugs, prostitutes, all of them come in, sit down, and listen to you tell jokes. They the hardest people to make laugh.
With Twitter, it’s a little harder to tell jokes that somebody hasn’t heard already. You have all these people out there sharing their opinions and telling jokes in real time, and by the time you get on, somebody’s already done some version of what you’re trying to do.
