I want to write the reparations joke that makes people go, ‘Yay! I’m so happy!’ It’s easy to go onstage and just make fun of all the ‘isms’ instead, but we can’t all be Jeff Dunham. Although that pays very well… it pays way better to be Jeff Dunham than it ever paid to be George Carlin or Lenny Bruce.
I’m the joke of the family with cooking because I’ve never done it – primarily because I’ve been surrounded by people who are so good at it. Mum’s brilliant. Boyfriends have always been good at it. I’m waiting for my inner chef to be released.
I just heard the latest joke about my hair: ‘Do you know what that is on her head? It’s a steering wheel to drive the state.’
Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning.
On ‘Late Night,’ it’s like we’re all in on the joke. That’s what I wanted it to be. I’m not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don’t like those. We can all ride together, and everyone’s on the same thing going, ‘Aha, I know where you’re going here.’
I’ve never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.
The element of surprise – where you think you know where a joke is going, and then you’re wrong. Those are my favorite kind of jokes.
Nobody calls me a racist when I do redneck jokes. Jeff Foxworthy can do as many ‘You might be a redneck jokes’ as he wants, but I’m telling you as soon as a guy like that does a black joke or something – ‘How dare you!’ I totally think it’s unfair.
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he’s ruined it. I can’t make another joke about him.
There is a standard joke in the family. Probably we should go into selling second-hand shoes.
I make cameos in all my movies for no particular reason other than a joke. It’s just a Hitchcock thing.
I could battle rap forever, but it’s a joke to me.
If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with the processing of the computer. We joke that things don’t compute, that we need a reboot, or that our memory has been wiped.
A rumor that followed me forever was that my family was in the mafia. For years I had to live with it. They’d call me the mafia princess, so I rolled with it for the rest of high school. People even joke about it today.
People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they’re very rarely the same.
I’m quite a reserved person, a bit shy at first when I don’t know someone. I like to have a laugh and a joke; people have seen that in me.
I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was a long time ago. Artists aren’t always seen as real people. If you start out as a teenager, sometimes people want to keep you locked as that. But I’m a woman now.
I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a joke like, ‘Why are you wearing a cross? Like you would be religious.’ And then they took it away. I was really affected by that. The whole thing made me realize that I do want a cross with me at all times.
I can never tell a joke, I’ve always found it easier to just fall over.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke.
You realize that as much as you want to socialize with the people on the set, or you want to, after a day shooting, joke around or whatever. Somehow, with playing Jesus, this doesn’t happen. You actually need to decompress and be on your own and prepare on your own. It never happened to me before.
With silly stuff, it’s seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it’s because I’m nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke.
The reality is, to watch Jon Stewart, you already have to have watched the news. In other words, it’s not funny if he does a joke about John McCain and they don’t know who John McCain is.
It’s a joke how tough it is to win a Slam.
I somewhat joke that I know an awful lot because I learn from my mistakes. I just make a lot of mistakes. It’s OK to fail in science just as long as you have the successes to go with the failures.
I don’t dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don’t think it was a joke, I don’t think it was funny or a phase, I don’t think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don’t distance myself from any of it.
You never know when you’ll have a bad idea for a worse joke.
Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it’s funny. You’re just sitting there like, ‘Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?’ It’s such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.
I believe in three-act structure. When I say that to novel people, or people in the world of books, they go, ‘Well, that’s a film thing.’ However, even a good joke has three acts.
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It’s not high on a guy’s must list. Perhaps it should be.
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
I cracked one joke and I was the ‘Funkasaurus.’
My music has a high irritation factor. I’ve always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was a joke. But I would plead guilty on the grounds that I prefer eccentricity to the bland.
I learned a long time ago from when I did ‘Seinfeld’ never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the joke is the best way to show what a good sport I was.
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words – they work ‘blue.’ If you don’t want to hear a joke that’s blue, you shouldn’t go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gracious dying is a huge, macabre and expensive joke on the American public.
Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene… For me, it’s therapeutic. You just feel a little less alone on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder why God ever trusts talent in the hands of women, they usually make such an infernal mess of it. I think He must do it as a sort of ghastly joke.
The one thing I think I’ve noticed about shows that are supposed to be funny on television is that they’ve sort of become routinized, so there’s an awful lot of mannerisms and joke lines that are sort of there to trigger laughter, rather than give actors a chance to play a moment.
I can’t write a joke. I could never write. I do a lot of stories and I call them stories, but they’re just comedy recitals on a given subject.
I feel dyslexia is a strong point in me now. I usually joke that it’s like a superpower – you only have it if you’ve got it!
Only in the mystery novel are we delivered final and unquestionable solutions. The joke to me is that fiction gives you a truth that reality can’t deliver.
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It’s sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn’t the star.
We’re going for the joke on ‘Children’s Hospital,’ and we’re going for the joke on ‘The League.’ It’s fun to go between shows, but you have to mentally remind yourself what show you’re on.
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke – and that the joke is oneself.
With music, you’re laying it all out there. They’re judging you right away, and you can lose them quick. With the comedy, you’ve always got another joke to redeem yourself. Or, even if you’ve only got one joke, at least the punch line is at the end. Then they have to at least pay attention until the end.
It’s like that Simpsons joke – they’re filming a cow in a movie and they go, ‘OK, we’ll tape a bunch of cats together to make a cow’, and it’s like, ‘Why don’t you just use a cow?’. For some reason that is novel – like, ‘Oh, my guitar sounds like a piano and now if I can just get my piano to sound like my guitar’.
It’s an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.
There’s so much positivity in the world and your day-to-day life that to go as far as to say that you hate something or you wish it didn’t exist and all the bad things in the world happen to you and only you, it’s a joke. It’s not real to have that much hate in your heart.
We often joke about men moaning about being ill, whether it’s man flu or anything else. We want them to be silent and strong about these things. And that’s quite dangerous when it comes to depression, because talking about it helps. People bottle it up until it’s too late.
I’m still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it’s intended to be a joke.
I go inside the Octagon for fight. I don’t joke, because it’s danger.
To me, music is no joke and it’s not for sale.
I have 16 plays, and we don’t ever do subtitles. You can’t do subtitles in the theater, so I was like, ‘I’m not gonna do subtitles.’ You’ll never lose the story. There might be a little joke that you might miss, but you’ll never miss the story, even in the Spanglish of it.
