Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don’t talk about it too much in the press is because it isn’t funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn’t seem right.
I remember being in high school and this guy saying to me, ‘You’d actually be good-looking if you didn’t joke around so much.’ That affected me, and so I stopped joking around, and I stopped being a goof because I thought people would like me better.
I’m infamous, a joke. It doesn’t make me feel good, because I’m a genuine person, but I don’t let it get to me, because I am who I am.
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
Most of us don’t think forwarding a racist joke or speaking in an insulting ‘comedic’ accent is appropriate at the workplace. Unfortunately, for those raised in the toxic culture of conservatism, the sort of mentality that leads government employees to do those things is widespread.
I always joke that they’re all like my children, so I love them all, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that ‘Wonder Woman’ has an affinity for me.
I’ve made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.
I want to know why people are getting laughs. Why this joke works and why that one didn’t work. It all comes back to helping me be a better WWE Superstar. So I love it.
My first gig ever was writing looplines for a movie that had already been made. You know, writing lines over somebody’s back to explain something, to help make a connection, to add a joke, or to just add babble because the people are in frame and should be saying something.
I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it’s not a joke. I’d rather walk, or even run, than take the car out myself. I like to be driven around. Yes, I like fancy cars, and fancy bikes, too. It’s my dream to learn how to ride one myself, but for now, I am content being driven around.
I guess I’ve kind of recognized what my worth is and what my specific brand of humor is. And that’s not necessarily being the guy who’s super witty and saying a joke every second. I’m the guy who you throw in a bizarre scenario, and I’ll play it as real as possible.
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.
As a kid, I drew comics. I had curly hair. I liked to joke, but I was kind of nervous about it at first until it was coaxed out of me.
I always joke deep down I’m really a teenage girl on the inside.
Years ago I was a runway model, and I used to get laughs. I thought it was a joke anyway.
If I’ve got a black joke, and I can’t tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn’t tell the joke anywhere else.
When someone pitches a joke for a character that is just perfect, and you can imagine that actor reading that line at your table read or on the set, it’s like the sound of a snap snapping into place.
Even as a child, I would get film offers, and all my friends would tease me saying, ‘You will also be an actor like your father,’ or ‘Don’t forget us.’ I always took it as a joke, but subconsciously, I felt maybe this was my true calling.
I love practical jokes and humor. That there’s frankly no joke that I don’t think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don’t like being scared.
There was a joke in Czechoslovakia: The Communist Party dance, it’s one step forward, two steps backward, and everyone is still clapping.
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
There’s not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into ‘Workaholics.’ But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid.
It was funny to hear that I’d slapped Bieber. I thought it was a joke. Then it blew up. I probably got 50 texts about it.
I was world champion, but I was never able to celebrate it. It was a joke for me.
In my deepest parts of sadness, I’m always making a joke or being sarcastic.
If I can relate to the joke, it’s going to be funny.
Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it’s not jokes that are funny, it’s characters that are funny. And isn’t that true! That’s why I always kill jokes. I’m terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can’t get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.
I know what’s funny, and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it’s walking out of a room, facing that way, facing this way. I just have a sense of that.
Eventually I was saying to myself, maybe it would be better, instead of trying to become an American comedian in France, to mix those two styles and those two genres. Because of course it’s good to be efficient and sharp, and to have a joke every twenty seconds, but it can be a little cold and dry.
I like to joke about being gay because it’s something teenagers would never joke about.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.
I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don’t know, The Nanny… some people want to go home, turn on the TV and be able to iron their clothes or grab a sandwich. Come out and catch a joke and not have to follow the story.
I suppose there are times when I can’t believe that I’ve lived the way that I have and done the things that I’ve done. Life’s a joke anyway. It’s all ridiculous. It’s all so short.
I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke.
When our kids are asked by their friends about the success of the longevity of our marriage, they simply joke that Tamar and I have spent so little time together that ‘it’s really too early to tell’ if our marriage will, in fact, succeed.
Could you imagine me and the roasters taking on the GOP field? It would be the greatest show ever. Prove that you can take a joke. Prove that you’re a man or woman of the people. Prove that you’re not above criticism even in the form of a backhanded compliment.
You’re going to get flak if you tell the wrong joke, but it’s still the wrong joke. Give the wrong speech, you take it on the chin.
I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.
As an actor, your life is constant ups and downs. My friends and I joke that when a job ends and nothing is lined up, you have nothing to do for the rest of your life. You just ride that wave.
Contrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle… and not just in the sense of money, by the way; the Beatles are untouchable – those billionaire reports are a joke.
Nobody in this world thinks they’re having enough sex. Watch any night on television, or any comedian in a nightclub, and every other joke is about people who aren’t getting enough.
I do a lot of public speaking and presentations and I’ll always start with a self-deprecating joke to make everybody feel comfortable with my size because there can be hang-ups and anxieties.
A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.
I don’t go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it’s contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes – I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.
It would be really hard to get serious about anything political today unless it was a joke.
We made the joke when we screened ‘Bucket List’ that there was 100% desire to see amongst our demographic with a 40% ability to get them to see it.
There’s a few tunes of mine that don’t have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
I know what is funny coming out of my mouth and what is not funny coming out of my mouth. You have to figure out, What is the joke that I can do that nobody else can do?
All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That’s kind of sad. If David was doing better than he used to be, then that would be different. But it was a joke and he made it that way.
Algorithms diminish public safety in this country. They ask us to pretend that lengthy arrest records and violent crimes don’t matter. They ask police to scoop up the bad guys only for the courts to immediately release them. They turn us into a bad joke.
You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.
I always joke that I’m a feminist with a boob job.
