I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it’s hard for me to write a joke where I don’t end up on the ground for some reason. Hey, at least that way, I know no comics will steal my jokes. Too many bruises.
My mother doesn’t cook; my grandmother didn’t cook. Her kids were raised by servants. They would joke about Sunday night dinner. It was the only night she would cook, and apparently it was just horrendous, like scrambled eggs and Campbell’s soup.
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don’t have a regime.
I made a good living being a tough guy on TV, but I’d rather laugh and joke all day long than try to be a tough guy.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
I don’t mind being the butt of the joke… It doesn’t really bother me. I quite enjoy it.
I think it’s natural if you’re doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure out the real version of the joke.
It’s OK to joke about yourself and have self-perspective, but, like, when you constantly put yourself down to get other people to tell you you’re good, that annoys me. Have confidence!
I always joke that a makeup-free day is good for the pores.
The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn’t tell a joke to save my life.
I ain’t apologizing for anything, especially if it’s a joke.
I’d come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart’s little brother. Everyone figured, this is a joke, Owen’s going to get squashed.
I legit can not parallel park. This is no joke!
You learn what can become a good joke and can be repeatable. You have a shorthand about how to introduce a joke to someone.
I think because people can’t understand our style, they think it’s a joke. Our music isn’t intellectual – we make music for the common man.
Everyone recognizes that’s a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn’t affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks, bonds, warrants, etc., issued don’t affect the aggregate value of the firm.
Sometimes an actor will stumble on the joke, and I’m right on them. Back it up before the audience hears the bad version of the joke, because humor is 90% surprise. If they know what’s coming, they won’t laugh as hard.
I’m a lot girlier than the roles that I play. I joke with Tricia Helfer all the time that she’s my muscle.
My career actually started in the second grade as class clown. That’s no joke. I was always making people laugh, and it was really to mask a learning disability… When it came time for me to read out loud, I would crack jokes or create a diversion.
There was a time when I didn’t like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I’ve come to realise that maybe I am not cute, but I am beautiful.
I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.
I love doing great entertainment, but I like the joke to be on me. I don’t want to take advantage of some poor person and dog ’em out and let the chips fall.
There is nothing – nothing – like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage.
Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being crazy off on their own.
I’d say I’m moody, I’d say I’m temperamental. But within my certain group of friends and family, I’m very open and outgoing and joke around a lot.
I think it’s a travesty that the NBA can’t just tell these guys to play basketball two days in a row. It’s just a joke to me. We flew commercial, and we were able to play back-to-back.
For years and years, I was beset with snide remarks by certain members of the press, where they would turn John Oates into a joke, or they would trivialize what I do, which never really bothered me all that much.
One of the things I’m proudest of is, on my record ‘That Was the Year that Was’ in 1965, I made a joke about spending $20 billion sending some clown to the moon. I was against the manned space program then, and I’m even more against it now, that whole waste of money.
I’ve never seen Kendrick Lamar crack a joke, and I’ve met him, but I’m sure he’s hilarious, too, just because he’s so good at rapping. J. Cole is a funny guy as well. Drake is funny. But who’s the funniest guy I’ve met who is a rapper? I would say 50 Cent.
I think a lot of my songs are very silly and very stupid, written to entertain people, but in the end, I always come to that last line, and I feel that I have to wrap this up with a bit of dignity and a little tear in the eye; otherwise, the joke would be on the characters in the song.
I have no idea how to use social media for anything other than forwarding a good fart joke.
When you’ve been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don’t know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it’s going to be.
You can analyse a joke and say it’s funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it’s surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.
The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke.
Every morning, I would actually look at the obituaries before I had breakfast. And as a joke I said if I was not in it, I would have the breakfast.
There’s different kinds of improv. There’s Second City improv where you try to slowly build a nice sketch. There’s stuff you do in college coffee houses where you just go joke, joke, joke. Bring another funny character with a funny hat on his head. Christopher Guest is more the line of trying to get a story out.
There’s nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I’m on stage, I’m at a microphone… it’s a joke!
The idea that any performer type is owed anything is a joke to me.
I’m a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out.
I think one of the funniest things about ’30 Rock’ is that Liz Lemon is sort of like Buster Keaton – she’s always the fool, the joke is always on her.
You’re not going to see my sense of humor on the football field. That’s not a place for me to joke around.
Comedy is just to me, maybe it’s a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.
I joke that I’m in the market for a cabin in the woods, and, at some point, I won’t be joking anymore.
There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules.
Comedy needs to happen naturally and be in touch with the character. When you see that guy in your office that everybody laughs at, he doesn’t think he’s funny. He’s just being him, and that’s the joke.
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they’re laughing.
I’m not making comedy albums. That’s too much effort for one joke.
The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.
Rapping was a joke, but the music helped me break out of my shell.
I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn’t even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one’s mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I’m going in is eventually, you won’t know if it’s a joke or not.
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
The producers want us to sell, sell, sell. That’s my little joke. That’s what we do by day; by night, we’re artists.
I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone’s real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it’s not hurting anyone’s feelings, I’m in on the joke.
If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.
I couldn’t deliver a joke if you asked me to. It would have to be live and spontaneous. And that’s what I was able to have in New York, at 9 o’clock in the morning, and people all over the country seemed to respond to it.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
I still love a well-crafted joke. Twitter’s been great for that.
My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I’d laugh, but I’d look at him, and he was the first one who told me, ‘You know, funny is a powerful thing; it’s a wonderful weapon.’
I’m grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make.
Directing a movie is serious, it’s not a joke.
I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they’re jokes that don’t make people laugh.
