Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.
It’s funny, we appear as robots from another world, but what we do, what the robots create, is really human after all.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others’ discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it’s funny.
I’m not funny in person. I mean I’m really not. I’m one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.
The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We’ve all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we’ve all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that’s a gift – to you and your audience.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
You can hate me for being a woman, you can hate me for being smart, you can hate me for being funny, but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story.
Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it’s funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something’s funny and you’re the subject of it, sometimes it’s more offensive. If someone’s insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.
There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Coach Blatt is very, very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you’re at, he knows as much about basketball as anyone. You learn a lot from him. And he’s a very charming guy, very personable. He’s pretty funny, too.
Yes, we do defend our office as we do defend our homes. This is a constitutional right everybody has, and nothing’s funny about that. The only reason they get mad at the Black Panther Party when you do it is for the simple reason that we’re political.
I was fired from an NBC sitcom called ‘Friends With Benefits.’ I was wrong for the part from the beginning, didn’t even want to audition, and kept thinking, ‘This isn’t funny at all.’
We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.
Everybody I know who is funny, it’s in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don’t like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.
I had several turtles before they were in. People seemed to think they were funny. Now everyone is wearing them practically every place. I think that’s real fine, but I don’t agree they should go to a formal affair. Turtlenecks with dinner jackets seem ridiculous to me.
Communism is like one big phone company.
I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.
When ‘Mean Girls’ came out, I was 15. So I saw that movie and was like, ‘That is so funny.’ But it still has that fluffy, happy ending, and that doesn’t happen in high school.
What I do onstage, there’s maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh, and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They’re really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love ’em; they’re awesome. They’re good people.
I know what’s funny, and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it’s walking out of a room, facing that way, facing this way. I just have a sense of that.
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
I don’t have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.
It’s funny how things change slowly, until the day we realize they’ve changed completely.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Being funny is my biggest differentiator, and I think I’d be a fool not to use that, and there’s nothing I enjoy personally more than making a human being laugh. But then, I also think I have a serious side to me.
I always dreamed about getting on TV and being part of a team – a funny ensemble.
It’s funny, because I don’t have a very addictive personality in any way except for things like stories or books or movies or TV. I just get, like, completely enamored and lost in that world, especially when one really hits the right way. Like, I just can’t do anything else.
Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn’t funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, ‘What did he say?’
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
It’s funny, I used to say on ‘That 70’s Show’, you could really put us in any decade, and it was about the people and the characters and that we cared about each other.
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek?
I grew up in a time when women didn’t really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny – because it’s powerful; it’s a threat.
I worked with Tyler before on ‘Daddy’s Little Girls’. He couldn’t be smarter or more laid back and cool. He’s always throwing out lines and is funny as hell. And he was shining his light on ‘Peeples’, too, lending his name to showcase Tina as a first-time director, and me as a first-time lead.
I always thought there were two kinds of males in the world: the ones who look good naked and the ones who look funny naked.
I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Everything I experience in life, I put through the sausage-maker that is comedy, and then try to make it funny for others. Whether that is healthy or not remains to be seen.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
I want to give kids that fall-off-the-bed-laughing feeling. Either that, or the sixth-grade feeling that life is hard – sometimes unbearably hard – and it is ultimately about death. But in the meantime, life can be really funny, too.
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, ‘Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.’
It’s funny – when I started acting, I didn’t know I was going to be talking about Asian-American issues so much. You know what, though? It just comes with the territory, being ethnic.
What’s funny is that all the artists I’ve collaborated with, I get this feeling that they want me to win. They’re always asking my opinion, always giving me advice.
To me, writing is remembering something funny that happened, or maybe something I said seven years ago.
The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
The shooting of the guns, that was kind of funny, because rolling a cigarette and shooting a gun aren’t like normal things for a 13-year old girl!
I find what I do for a living really funny. I mean, acting is kind of a hilarious thing for a grown man to call a job.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
I love funny Instagram filters. Where your face changes; your eyes become big, your mouth becomes protruded. I love all of that.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
A lot of men are competitive about being funny.
Life is funny. If you don’t laugh, you’re in trouble.
I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny.
Who included me among the ranks of the human race?
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
