I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it’s just not funny.
My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.
For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
There’s something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can’t pretend to be funny.
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Comedians don’t laugh. They’re too busy analyzing why it’s funny or not.
It’s so funny, this thing of ‘overnight success.’ I’ve been doing this for 20 years, but yes, sure, it happened overnight!
The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That’s happened a lot. Or they’re often purely victims.
You can’t fake comedy. You can’t make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny can only be funny if you’re funny.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Not all detectives are the same – some play bad cop, some are awkward, some are funny.
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
George Carlin maintained that anything and everything is funny given the right context. This context also includes your own history with a given group. What I can get away with and where I can go is not a problem with my audience because they know me.
Getting fan mail from Brazil is kind of funny.
My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity, like, with something that I still find funny.
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.
If you’re an aspiring show maker, and you have the means to sit around for a few months, you should be making funny cartoons and uploading them to the internet.
It’s funny how most people love the dead, once you’re dead, you’re made for life.
It’s funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.
Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
If you look at shows like ‘Def Comedy Jam’ in its heyday, there were so many really funny, talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren’t doing comedy that fit that mold.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.
One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself.
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
It’s funny, because I don’t have a very addictive personality in any way except for things like stories or books or movies or TV. I just get, like, completely enamored and lost in that world, especially when one really hits the right way. Like, I just can’t do anything else.
I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I’m funny, and I’m a good person.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Michael Bates was a very funny actor; he’d served in India, could speak Urdu, and had great comic timing.
I think it’s funny when people, they try to imitate the ‘Chandelier’ video. I think it’s hilarious.
Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.
My mother and father were very strange people. They tried to be funny which is always very sad to me.
Everything seems fine until you’re about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking, ‘While I accept that everyone grows old and dies, it’s a funny thing, but I’m an exception to that rule.’
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
Too much agreement kills a chat.
It’s a funny thing, life… as much as you don’t want the sun to come up, it comes up the next day. Life continues on and you have to make a choice in how you handle it.
People know me as just this handsome guy – a very handsome guy. But I can also be funny and fun.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
Playing video games, as funny as it might sound, it’s a very important part of our day. Our schedule is so hectic, chaotic, demanding that we need an outlet. We need ways to express ourselves and let our energy out.
I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn’t that funny? The tables have turned.
We adore babies because they’re so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why.
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.
When someone calls me up and wants me to do something, of course I am open to it. But I am not going to do it if there isn’t anything interesting or funny about it.
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it’s got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can’t just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that – it’s got to be funny.
I think nudity is funny, especially when it’s inappropriate.
Macho does not prove mucho.
We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder.
I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from ‘Funny Girl,’ ‘Oh my man, I love him so, he’ll never know…’ it hit me.
I’m not funny. What I am is brave.
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money?
It’s a funny thing. You sort of never figure it out with acting. You’re always learning.
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, ‘Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.’
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Let’s have some new cliches.
You initially become funny as a kid because you’re looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that’s all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam’s the same. All of us together make one completely insane person.
I detest jokes – when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn’t know it’s funny or doesn’t treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it’s a sort of rage against society.
Coach Blatt is very, very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you’re at, he knows as much about basketball as anyone. You learn a lot from him. And he’s a very charming guy, very personable. He’s pretty funny, too.
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn’t get serious with people. They don’t expect it from you, and they don’t want to see it. You’re not entitled to be serious, you’re a clown.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.
There is something about sex that always brings out the funny in me. I think it’s because we make such fools of ourselves over it.
The funny response to ‘One Mississippi’ continues to be that people don’t know what is true and what’s fiction.
I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.
I feel like somebody who just is very understanding is my biggest thing – timing is a major issue for me – but also funny! Obviously I want someone really cute and fun and fresh for good Instagram pictures and that just makes me really happy.
